Dewey: This stinks.
Lois: I know this is being sprung on you very suddenly, and you all have a right to be a little upset.
Dewey: A little?!
Lois: Don't push it. Hal, you know what? I've got an idea. Why don't you take the boys out tomorrow and do something fun? I could use the time alone anyway to straighten up the house before the baby comes.
Piama: I can help you clean.
Lois: Well, that'll take a little longer, but I guess I could use the company.

Reese: "Festival of Brides"? That's the lamest name for a car show I've ever heard.
Hal: No, the car show was here last week.
Malcolm: Let's get out of here.
Hal: No. I just dropped 15 bucks on parking. We're going in.

Reese: I know I haven't been everywhere, but I'm pretty sure this is the most boring place on Earth.
Hal: What are you talking about, Reese? Do you know what kind of craftsmanship goes into these lace veils? Huh?

Malcolm: So, uh, Dad, I was wondering, do you have any kind of savings put away?
Hal: [laughs hysterically] [laughs, snorts] Ooh, I'll have to tell your mother that one.
Malcolm: No, I'm serious. What if something came up? Like a big, unexpected expense? Are you prepared for something like that?
Hal: Don't worry about that stuff, son. Things have a way of taking care of themselves.
Malcolm: But-
Hal: Come on. You boys are young. You're at a bridal expo. You should be having the time of your lives.

Francis: [whispers] Are you going to let her get away with this? You are, aren't you?
Lois: She's my mother. You know the way I am around her.
Francis: Okay, if that's what you want. That woman may be one of the first people your new baby sees when it comes into this world. Smiling down at it, cradling it in her arms.
Lois: You're right. She's got to go.

Ida: Pass the rolls. [Francis squishes a roll and licks it] You think that bothers me? [eats] Guess why your soup tasted different when you came back from bathroom.
Francis: Ugh.

Reese: And then I said, "Orange you glad I didn't say 'banana'?" [laughter]

Lois: Thank you so much for coming over. I know this is a little weird.
Trey: Actually, I'm kind of excited. This is kind of like when I did Spoon River Anthology in college.
Steve: Do we have to hear that story again?
Trey: We sold out both shows.

Lois: [whispers] Francis, you have to listen very carefully. I'm having a contraction. I'm going into labor.
Francis: What?
Lois: I have to get to the hospital, and you have got to get your grandmother out of here now.
Piama: Come on, Ida. Let me help you.
Ida: Don't you have rain dance to do?
Lois: Bye, Mom. Great to see you. Have a safe trip. Don't forget to call us whenever you get to wherever... [water splashes on floor] [all gasp]
Ida: Maybe I'll stay few more minutes.

Abe: The contraction started at 3:27.
Ida: Oh, this one can tell time.