Ted: Look, I can't do business with people who lie to me.
Barney: We only lied to you to make you realize that you want this job.
Ted: No, I don't. I mean, I know I said I did, but that's only because I fell for the same creepy, pickup artist voodoo of yours that countless women...
Barney: 236.
Ted: ...before me fell for. Wow, respect.

Marshall: No, Ted, you want to do this, okay? You're just scared of getting hurt again. But you can't let fear steal your funk. That is good. There is a song in there. Excuse me.

Barney: Come on, Ted! This is your dream.
Ted: No, it's not. Not anymore. And you know what? Letting go of that dream was the best decision I ever made. You guys actually think I have some lingering itch to be an architect? Work 20 hours a day and weekends? To get ulcers and pull my hair out and worry and doubt myself and then at the end of it all, have the rug pulled out from under me? I love being a professor, okay? All that stupid crap they tell you about how fulfilling teaching is? It's all true. I'm happy, and I'm not letting go of that. My answer's no.

Robin: Fine. I called Don again.
[flashback to Robin on the phone:]
Robin: Hey, Don! It's Robin again. Look, I am sorry for all the calls. It's just, I saw you on the news, and it made me a little crazy for a minute. I guess I wasn't as over our breakup as I thought. But I want to say, from the bottom of my heart, I am going to kill you. No... No, I'm not. I am happy for you. And that Asian slut on your Facebook page. She's dead, too.

Lily: I thought you deleted his number.
Robin: I did, but it turns out, I memorized it. You can't delete contacts from your brain, Lily.
Lily: Well, you have to try. If you ever want to have closure...
Robin: I am never going to have closure. Okay? Closure doesn't exist. Okay, one day, Don and I are moving in together, and the next thing I know, he's on a plane to Chicago. It just... ended. And no matter how much I try to forget that it happened, it will have never not happened. Don and I will always be a loose end. We'll always be...
[elsewhere, in Ted's classroom:]
Ted: Unfinished.

Future Ted: [v.o.] And even though it didn't happen right away...
Announcer: [on TV] And now, the 11:00 News with Don Frank.
[Robin dials the phone and a woman answers:]
Woman: Bueno?
Robin: Who is this?
Woman: No hablo ingles. Quien es?
Robin: I'm sorry. Is this 917-456... I'm sorry, 465... No, wait. Huh.
Future Ted: [v.o.] Robin finally got some closure, too.
Robin: Sorry. Wrong number. [hangs up] Finished with that.

Lily: Hey, punk! Bit of advice. Next time you step on a kindergarten teacher's neck, you better finish the job.
Sixteen Year Old Clint Eastwood: I knew this day would come.

Ted: I finally know what your kind goes through. [hugs Robin] I get it now.
Robin: For the last time, I don't care how big it was, it is not the same as giving birth.
Marshall: Ew, no!