Marshall: Be careful, Ted. Revenge fantasies never work out the way you want. Especially dance-based revenge. My prom was rough, guys.

Lily: Ooh! We're almost there. Oh, I can't wait to see the old campus.
Marshall: I'm gonna grab one of those giant dining hall hot dogs.
Lily: Oh, I love those huge wieners.
[Barney signals outrage that he can't speak and nobody called Lily on this]
Lily: I'm not so sure you heard me. I said, "I love those huge wieners." I love them. In my mouth.

Professor Vinick: There are men and there are gods. Antoni Gaudí was both.
Ted: [inner monologue] There are jerk faces and there are buttholes. Professor Vinick was both. Good one, Ted. Come on, Vinick, give me an opening.
Professor Vinick: Gaudí's architecture gave expression to the anarchic geometric form of nature.
Ted: [inner monologue, mocking:] "Gaudí's architecture..." Actually, that's a really good point.
[As Ted enthusiastically observes Professor Vinick's class, he sings a song in his head:]
Ted: [singing] Wow, Professor Vinick Man, you taught me so much About architecture and life God, your lectures are so cool I'll earn your respect and we'll be best friends.
Professor Vinick: Okay, it doesn't get any better than that.
Ted: [sniffles] No, it doesn't.

Ted: So, you completely rejected the guy who's been obsessing about you for 16 years, and he was okay with it? Whoa. Is creepy Daryl more emotionally adjusted than I am?
Future Ted: [v.o.] Kids, sometimes in life you'll make a pit for someone in your mind. But ultimately the only person in that pit is yourself.
[elsewhere:]
Robin: I'm sorry. Just seeing you with Barney has brought up some old feelings, and I... I really don't like feelings. But that's not your fault or Barney's fault. It's just really hard seeing you with him.
Future Ted: Which means there's only one person who can let you out of the pit.

[Barney taps Ted on the shoulder and holds out an engagement ring:]
Ted: Oh, my God! Barney!
Barney: You unjinxed me! I'm free! If the bison on the nickel could hear you talk about them, they would diminish their population even further on purpose. If Lily wants a big wiener in her mouth, she's got my number. And I'm sorry that you took the rap for all the farting on the car ride up here. That was me! [sighs]

Barney: Hi, guys!
Marshall: No. But you're jinxed!
Barney: I tricked Ted into saying my name.
All: Aw, come on, Ted!
Barney: Jinx! Jinx! Ha-ha! The reign of terror is back! [evil laugh] Hey, if you guys don't want me to smoke or fart in here, just speak up. Nothing? Great. Thanks for the spicy beef jerky, dude.

Ted: Wow. Just wow. Ted Mosby. I'm a former student of yours. You know, I actually became an architect. Any chance you remember me?
Professor Vinick: Oh, please excuse me, I've been teaching for over 20 years. All the faces start to blend together unless you have a, a weird mustache or, or something.
Ted: Junior year I tried to grow muttonchops, but people kept saying my face made them nauseous. Well, not people. You. Anyway, I would be honored if you, if you took a look at my building.
Professor Vinick: This... is hideous. You'll never be an architect. [echoes] You'll never be an architect. You'll never be an architect. You'll never be an architect! You'll never be an architect.
Professor Vinick: Wait. I was mistaken. You most definitely will be an architect.
Ted: Really?
Professor Vinick: These are astonishing, Handlebar Pete.

Robin: Yeah, I'm with Ted. There is no one I hate enough to throw into a pit. What?
Future Ted: [v.o.] When Robin's most hated coworker Patrice started dating Barney, she became obsessed.
Lily: Patrice, Patrice goes in your pit.
Robin: Guys, I told you, I am done obsessing about Patrice. Just drop her.
Lily: Drop her in a pit.
Robin: Enough.

Marshall: We all have people that we would throw in our pits, and I'm sure we all have people who would like to throw us in their pits.
Lily: Yeah, if Marshall or I ever go missing, I'll tell you whose basement to look in. Daryl LaCourte.
[flashback to Lily and Marshall on the college campus:]
Marshall: Oh, no. It's creepy Daryl. Let's get out of here before he sees us.
Daryl: Hey, hot sack coming through. Ha... ha...
Lily: [weakly] Hi, Daryl.
Marshall: [weakly] Hey, Daryl.
Daryl: Hey! I feel like I never see you guys anymore. Like whenever I'm getting to a party, you're just leaving. Even that party at your place. You guys just raced off into the night at 7:30. That's weird. But this is great. The three hackmigos back together again.
Marshall: We played Hacky Sack together once freshman year, Daryl. Once.
Daryl: November 14, 1996. That is the best memory ever.
Marshall: Sure.
Daryl: The three hackmigos for life.
[present:]
Lily: To this day, we are still getting e-mails and posts from Daryl.
Marshall: He has commented on every photo of Baby Marvin we have ever posted, and then he comments on his own comments.

Sandy Rivers: Ah, Scherbatsky, it's my favorite time of year.
Robin: Didn't know you liked Christmas so much.
Sandy Rivers: No, year-end reviews. We get to fire some people. Get into the spirit.
Robin: Look, Sandy, you might enjoy firing people for petty personal differences.
Sandy Rivers: I'd hardly call giving me gonorrhea a petty personal difference.
Robin: But I am a professional, and I would never fire someone for unprofessional reasons.
Sandy Rivers: Well, somebody's got to go.
Future Ted: [v.o.] Kids, the thing about pit people, sometimes you don't even know you have one until you have a chance to push 'em in.
Patrice: Hi, Robin.