Barney: I can't believe I haven't seen you around.
Duane: Well, after Sheila and I had that quickie, my life's been playdates, preschools and poops. I haven't set foot in a bar in years.
Barney: You stopped drinking?
Duane: Oh, I still drink.

Lily: Vaginal numbing spray. Apparently, after child birth, your hoo-ha looks like Rocky Balboa's face. [exits]
Barney: You can't have a baby!
Robin: I can't have a baby!

Scott: Hey, mister. Are you putting up all these Christmas lights?
Marshall: Oh, kid, by the time I'm done, you're gonna be able to see this sum'bitch from outer space.
Scott: Ah, cool. I wanted to put lights on our house, but my dad says he's too busy with work and stuff.
Marshall: Hey, what do you say, uh, you come back here next weekend and help me out?
Scott: Yeah! You've got yourself a deal. I'm Scott.
Marshall: I'm... Mr. Eriksen.
Scott: Thanks, Mr. E.
Marshall: [to himself] Mr. E. Looks like some little scamp just earned the right to put the Vikings helmet on baby Jesus.

Future Robin: [v.o.] Later that week, as I was enjoying every second of not being pregnant...
Announcer: [on TV] Next on Teenage Mommies...
Woman: [on TV] But you said you would watch Bella. I have cheerleading practice.
Robin: [laughs] Sucks to be you, Braces.

Lily: [answers phone] Hey, baby, what's up?
Marshall: Hey, uh, listen, the construction of the Symphony of Illumination is taking a little longer than I thought. Good thing I have Scott here to help me. Right, Scott?
Scott: You betcha, Mr. E!
Lily: ad news. Robin's too tall to be an Olympic pole-vaulter.
Marshall: Has she filed an appeal with the IOC?
Lily: Have you filed an appeal with the IOC?
Marshall: Can she make herself shorter by slouching?
Lily: Can you make yourself shorter by slouching?
Marshall: Has she considered going back to school and competing at the collegiate level?
Lily: Have you considered going back to school and...
Robin: I don't want to talk about it.

Marshall: Scott? Scott, I dropped my phone.
Scott: Yep, found it.
Marshall: Could you bring it up here?
Scott: You got it. Hey, while I'm at it, can I get you a beer?
Marshall: He wants to bring the old man a beer. Yeah, sure. Uh, there's a whole case in the fridge. Thanks, son. Do you, do you mind if I call you "son"?
Scott: You can call me whatever you want... jackass.
Marshall: Scott? The ladder fell. Scott?

Barney: Listen, um, I know things have been kind of weird between you and me these past couple weeks, so I just want to say I'm... I'm glad we're back to where we started.
Robin: Yeah.
Barney: Friends with benefits.
Robin: No.
Barney: Just like always.
Robin: Never been that. Just friends.
Barney: With benefits. We'll talk about it later.

Barney: Look at all these babies. Isn't it crazy how, now that we're not having one, babies are cute again? Look at that one.
Robin: I'm good.
Barney: No, I'm serious. Look, look.
Robin: Damn it. That thing's cute as crap. [whispering] Screw you, baby.

Marshall: Scott? Scott! What is going on?
Scott: Hey, Mr. E.
Marshall: Scott, if you do not let me down, I am going to scream my head off until someone comes to help me, and then you're going to have to explain all of this to the cops.
Scott: And then you'll have to explain why there's a picture of my ding-dong on your phone.
Marshall: There is no picture of your...
Scott: There is now. Oh, yeah, that's a beauty.

Lily: Marshall keeps asking me to text him pictures of my boobies. After all these years, he sometimes still acts like a teenager.