[the year 2024:]
Curtis: I'm sorry, did I hear you talking about The Wedding Bride?
Ted: Oh, God.
Curtis: The movie or the smash Broadway musical?
Ted: Smash? Oh, oh. Oh, I guess a show's a smash now if it closes after only 96 weeks.
The Mother: So my husband's ex-fiancee's husband wrote the screenplay for The Wedding Bride. Jed Mosely was based on Ted.
Ted: Okay, Jed was not based on me.
[movie scene:]
Jed Mosely: Hey, that is not a toy, you ragamuffin! That is an authentic flail I won at the renaissance faire.
[back:]
Ted: Entirely.

[the year 2024:]
Ted: I've told you this one before.
The Mother: A few times.
Ted: Oh. I'm just a boring old man who won't stop spinning yarns.
The Mother: Oh, hey, I love your yarns. I hope you never stop spinning them.
Ted: But?
The Mother: You're the love of my life, pooh bear. I just worry about you. I don't want you to be the guy who lives in his stories. Life only moves forward.

Barney: The only question is, which of these other suits do I pick? There are so many great ones to choose from.
Ted: Well, how about this one?
Barney: Yes, yes, that's the one. Oh, hey, quick question, is it weird to get married in a suit that you may have worn while banging a female rodeo clown? I know what you're wondering. Yes, the carpet matched the drapes.
Ted: Of course that's weird, every part of it is. Uh, what about this suit?
Barney: Ha, ha. Let's just say I stuffed a lot of bunnies in that suit.
Ted: Barney, do you have to phrase it that way?
Barney: Actual bunnies, Ted. This is my magic suit. Get your mind out of the gutter. Though I did once wear it to the Playboy holiday party and, uh... Ha, ha, let's just say I stuffed a lot of bunnies in that suit.