Barney: Finally, Robin, you're dating Ted.
Robin: Oh, man! Why?
Barney: I can't have any single female friends lying around. My dad'll be all, "Why don't you marry Robin? You guys were cute together. Deep down you know you were never happier than when you were with her." Uh, no, thanks.

Lily: Hey, Barney, love the new identities. Little thing. Instead of being a naked super ninja, can I be Meryl Streep
in The Devil Wears Prada?
Ted: How good was that movie?
Lily: So good!
Marshall: Adrian Grenier!
Barney: And... hence new identities.

Future Ted: [v.o.] And so, Barney's dad finally showed up. Jerry, you remember Marshall. He's a well-known writer.
Marshall: Playwright. We're all writers. Just some of us don't know what our story is yet.
Barney: Lily, his wife.
Lily: Well, most nights. Mama don't let no ring get in the way of a good time.
Jerry: That's a little depressing.
Ted: Uh, hi again. Ted. Oh, and, Jerry, uh, you remember my girlfriend.
Robin: Robin. Hi. So nice to see you again.
Barney: Wait, wait. Jerry, I gotta tell you the truth. Guys, I'm gonna tell him.
Barney: We're also a band.
Robin: Two, three, four!
[Ted, Barney, Robin, Marshall and Lily play the show's theme song]

Jerry: So, Saturday night! Time to cut loose, right? Who wants to split a beer?
Barney: Oh, we're not drinking here. Tonight we're going big. Let's see. What club should we hit first? There's Club Was. There's Wrong.
Marshall: Um, those places shut down a long time ago.
Barney: Oh, no.
Marshall: Oh No shut down too.
Ted: There's Where.
Jerry: Where's Where?
Lily: Where's where Was was, isn't it?
Barney: No, Was wasn't where Where was. Was was where Wrong was. Right?
Jerry: Okay.
Ted: Not Okay. That place is lame.
Robin: Okay is Lame? I thought Lame was a gay bar. Or is that Wrong?
Marshall: That's wrong. That's Not Wrong.
Barney: Guys, focus.
Robin: Oh, I like Focus. Let's go there.
Ted: Where?
Robin: Not Where, Focus.
Lily: I thought Focus was closed.
Barney: No, Was was closed. Once Was shut down, it reopened as Closed.
Marshall: So Closed is open.
Robin: No, Closed is closed.
Jerry: I don't know! Third base! Right?
Robin: Ew, Third Base is all frat guys.
Lily: I'll go anyplace, okay?
Ted: Not Okay. Okay is lame.
Robin: Okay is not Lame. Lame is a gay bar.
Lily: Guys, shut up.
Barney: No, Shut Up shut down.
Barney: I can't believe I don't know the clubs anymore.
Ted: Guys, just pick a club. Okay?
All: Not Okay! Okay is lame! Gay bar!
Marshall: For the record, um, I was in there once by accident. I'm pretty sure it's pronounced "La-may."
Barney: It's Hopeless, isn't it?

Marshall: Wow. A lot of these girls are young enough to be our daughters.
Barney: I know. Daddy's home. And Granddaddy's home! Tonight rocks so hard!
Jerry: I might be allergic to this stamp.

Robin: Oh, my God. My secret crush is here.
Lily: Mila Kunis?
Robin: No, my secret crush.

Robin: We met a few years ago.
[flashback to Robin at a clothing store:]
Man: Hi. I could use a woman's opinion. Is this workin' for me?
Robin: Uh, no. The only good thing about how ugly that shirt is that it distracts from how terribly it fits you.
Man: Uh, I was trying on the pants.

Barney: Let's do shots!
Jerry: Uh, no, thank you, Barney. I have that fishing trip with J.J. early tomorrow. I better take it easy.
Barney: No! Don't you remember what you said to me when I was a kid? "Never stop partying!"
Jerry: I said that? To a six-year-old? I don't remember that.
Barney: You don't remember the last thing you said to me when I was a kid? You know, why don't you just go back home?
Jerry: But I want to hang out with you.
Barney: Yeah, well, I want to hang out with Crazy Jerry, not Stay-At-Home Jerome.
Jerry: Fine. You want Crazy Jerry? [downs multiple shots] There! You got him! ... I apologize. It might take a few minutes to kick in.

Jerry: Hey, sugar! Five beers for the table, a Seven and Seven for me, and your 10 digits for this guy here! Tonight Crazy Jerry gonna burn this disco down! Whoo! Whoo-hoo!
Barney: Can you believe it? This is awesome!
Robin: Barney, how is that awesome?
Barney: I finally know what it's like to be embarrassed by my dad.

Barney: Hey, uh... Hey, Jerry. You, you really wanna be out here like this?
Jerry: Oh, sorry, small town preacher from the Midwest. Is there a law against dancing?
Barney: No, of course not. I just...
Jerry: Oh, this club blows! Let's hit the greatest party in the world, the streets of New York!
Barney: Yeah! Yes! Let's do it! Maybe fix the tie. But mostly party!