[As Lily and Marshall talk about getting a puppy, Ted angrily throws his gingerbread house on the ground:]
Marshall: Whoa!
Barney: Our movie snack.
Ted: Are you kidding me? All you ever talk about is having kids! And now you have one little freak-out and you wanna get a dog instead? No. Unacceptable. You're gonna turn around, you're gonna go home, get naked, lie together as man and wife until Lily is great with child. Right now! I'm serious! Go! Go! Go!

Barney: Marshall and Lily got in trouble.
Ted: And you!
Robin: Ooh.
Ted: Barney, you look real stupid in that suit. You're gonna go get your money back and give it to charity. And I don't mean that stripper you keep e-mailing us about... even though we beg you to take us off that list.
Barney: I can't give this suit back. Ted, I glow in the dark. I finally glow in the dark.
Ted: Criminals of New York, attention! This man is wearing a diamond-covered suit! You can retire on the pants alone! Merry Christmas!

Robin: So, if I get a large popcorn, you wanna go splitskies, or...
Ted: And you. You did not move to the greatest city on earth to become a coin-flipping bimbo. So here's how it's gonna work. Heads, you take the job at World Wide News. Tails, you take the job at World Wide News. [flips coin]
Robin: Ow.
Ted: Hey, looks like somebody got a new gig!

Robin: You know, that was really cool what you did. When we all needed it, you got us back on the right path.
Ted: It's what I do.
Robin: Ted, if I, um... if I ever get married and you're not the guy I'm marrying...
Ted: Big mistake. But go on.
Robin: I could really use someone like you. You know, in case I freak out... When I freak out. You interested?
Ted: Are you asking what I think you're asking?
Robin: Ted, will you be my best man?
Ted: Scherbatsky, I'm gonna crush it.