Marshall: Hey, baby.
Lily: Mmm-hmm?
Marshall: Not for nothing or nothing, but we'd still be doing this even if we hadn't seen Doppelganger Barney, right?
Lily: Oh, but we did see him, which means the universe, in all its infinite wisdom, is telling you to stick me and stick me real good.
Marshall: I can't. I can't, in good conscience, stick you.
Lily: I know what's bothering you.
Marshall: Really?
Lily: The cabbie just didn't look enough like Barney.
Marshall: Well, that's just not true.

Barney: No! Time out. This is a group decision. You can't just move to Chicago, unless we all say it's okay.
Ted: Barney, I think this has to be Robin's...
Barney: Stay out of this, Brigitte Nielsen or Dolph Lundgren from Rocky IV.

Lily: That cabbie was, like, a foot shorter than Barney.
Marshall: He was the exact same size.
Lily: And you know what? I think he was Asian. Yeah, that guy was like a tiny, graying Asian man, with a soul patch and a potbelly.
Marshall: Have you completely forgotten what Barney looks like?

Barney: You guys banging?
[Lily and Marshall scream]
Marshall: Why are you in our bedroom?
[Lily and Marshall scream as Robin enters]
Marshall: Why are you in our bedroom?
[Lily and Marshall scream as Ted walks in]
Marshall: Why is Ellen DeGeneres in our bedroom?

Barney: Guys! Guys! We're forgetting what's really important here. Ted's blond.
Ted: Guys, I am pulling this off. Now, Robin has something important to tell you.
Robin: He's not pulling it off.
Ted: No, the other thing.
Robin: He got a manicure.
Ted: The other thing.

Ted: I can't believe we're losing Robin.
Lily: [telepathically] Guys, this might be the depression talking, but is Ted's hair starting to look kind of good?
Marshall: [telepathically] Thank God. I thought I was the only one.
Barney: [telepathically] He looks like a freaking movie star.
Ted: And by the way, this was a huge mistake. I'm changing my hair back.
Lily: Smart. Very smart.
Barney: Told you.
Marshall: Not at all awesome.

Marshall: Hey, Lily. Tell me something. You saw actual Barney driving that cab, and you thought it was a petite, potbellied Asian man.
Lily: I know. Weird, right?
Marshall: It's not weird. It means you're not ready. And I'm sorry that I tried to rush things. Our baby can wait for
the real Doppelganger Barney.
[Marshall sees a red-haired street performer who looks like Barney juggling on the other side of the street]

Robin: [in puppet voice] Hey, Moo-Moo. Monty made you thin crust pizza, just the way you like it. Mmm. You okay?
Don: Robin, you're not gonna believe this. I got offered the lead anchor job at WNKW in Chicago.
Robin: Oh! Um... What'd you say?
Don: I said yes. I've been waiting years for a shot like this. I was hoping you'd understand.

Don: Robin, wait. Please try to understand.
Robin: Look, I gotta get out of here.
Don: Wait. Put yourself in my shoes. I mean, can you imagine what it's like to have the phone ring and it's your dream job on the other end?
Robin: Yes. I can. Good luck in Chicago, Don.

Lily: Barney, why are you doing this?
Marshall: Wait a minute. Could it be that Barney Stinson actually wants us to have kids?
Barney: [in Eastern European accent] Who is this Barney? Take American chill pill.
Lily: Well, let me tell you about him. He talks a big game about how no one should ever have kids before they're at least 45.
Barney: I would be interested in reading some of these opinions in blog form.
Lily: But I think I know what happened. Yesterday, Barney thought he had to say goodbye to someone he truly loves. And it got him thinking. Maybe it wouldn't be the worst thing if a baby joined our little group.
Barney: Babies can be cute.
Lily: Mmm. And someday, he's gonna make the best uncle in the world. Because this Barney, he's family to us.