Lily: Guys, we saw the fifth doppelganger!
Robin: Amazing!
Ted: Whoa! That is awesome!
Robin: Ooh! Freaky. A brunette Barney.
Lily: I know. Say what you will about the guy, but Barney seems right as a blond.

Ted: Anyway, I'd look good blond.
Marshall: [telepathically] Okay, people, we're in a delicate but very, very promising situation here.
Lily: [telepathically] If we play the next 30 seconds right, Ted will dye his hair blond.
Robin: [telepathically] Guys, this is mean. We can't... Whoa! Just pictured it. How do we do this?
Ted: [telepathically] What are we all thinking about? Nachos?
Marshall: [telepathically] Ted Mosby responds to one thing above all else.
Ted: [telepathically] I don't know. I'm still kind of full from lunch.
Marshall: [telepathically] A bunch of people emphatically telling him not to do something. Follow my lead.

Ted: [inner monologue] Screw it. I could eat. [to Wendy the waitress] Yes, we'd all like some nachos.
Marshall: I love you, buddy, but there is absolutely no way that you could pull off blond.
Robin: Yeah, it just wouldn't look right.
Lily: Yeah. Seriously, Ted, don't go blond.
Ted: I'm going blond.
Robin: No.
Lily: No way.
Marshall: That is not the outcome we were hoping for.

Future Ted: [v.o.] Now, kids, Robin and Don were becoming such a great team, both off and on the air, that Local Channel 12 started asking them to guest-host some of their other top-notch programs.
[on a children's TV show:]
Theme Song: Monty and Moo-Moo are laughing and learning with you Moo-Moo Moo-Moo Moo!
Don: [as Moo-Moo] So, that's why Monty and I vowed never to do drugs, because drugs are bad. Right, Monty?
Robin: [as Monty] Well, sure. Man-made, chemical stuff. But things that grow in nature, they're okay to try, like, once or twice.
Don: Not looking for gray areas here, Monty.
Robin: I don't think it's right to lie to the kids, Moo-Moo.
Don: So, what are you saying?
Robin: I've experimented with drugs.
Don: [gasps]
Future Ted: [v.o.] Fun fact, highest rated Monty and Moo-Moo episode ever.

Robin: [on the phone] Ted, something big has just happened and you're the most sensible person I know. I need to talk to you right now.
[cut to Robin talking to Ted as he gets his hair dyed at a salon:]
Robin: You know what, it can wait.
Ted: No, go ahead. I'm listening.

Robin: Okay, well, the executive producer from WNKW happened to see our show the other morning and loved me. They offered me the lead anchor job starting next week.
Ted: Wow! That's great!
Robin: It is great. But, um, here's the catch. WNKW is in... [dryer whirs]
Ted: Helen, kill the dryer!
Robin: Is in Chicago.

Marshall: But you were the fifth doppelganger. How can you be you? I called you, Barney. We had a whole conversation.
Barney: Ah! Yes. I know what happened. See, people at work have this very strange expectation that I, well, work. [scoffs] I know. I know. [v.o.] So to make my colleagues think I'm busting my hump when I'm really out humping busty chicks, I decided to record a special message.
Marshall: How can it be a recording? You called me "Big Chief," my special workplace nickname.
Barney: Oh, buddy.
Marshall: [scoffs]
Barney: Hey, hey, come on, Big Chief.
Marshall: Don't. Just don't.

Robin: Why does this have to happen now? I mean, just when things are going so great with Don. It's the never-ending battle of my life. Career versus romance.
Ted: [scoffs] "Never-ending battle"? Career's been trouncing romance for years. It's like the Globetrotters versus the Generals. Career's sinking hook shots from half court. Romance is just a bunch of slow, white guys who couldn't make it in the Italian league.

Robin: Ted, I'm lost. What should I do?
Ted: Okay, you seriously need to talk to Don about this.
Robin: I'm just too confused to put this on Don. I need to leave him out of it until I figure out what I want.
Ted: That makes sense. And I'm sorry I can't give you better advice on this. The truth is, it's impossible for me to be objective about you moving away.
Robin: Mmm. Did you get a manicure?
Ted: No, I didn't get a...
Flo: He sure did.
Ted: Flo!

Barney: Hang on, hang on, hang on. I heard you were doing this, so I wrote down some stuff. "Hey, I'm planning a white wedding. Tell me, Billy Idol, is it a nice day for that?" Some other Billy Idol ones. Um, "If anyone's looking for the real Slim Shady, he's right here." That one's only okay. Robin, why aren't you getting in on this?
Ted: Okay, first of all, I'm getting tons of compliments. Second of all, tell him.
Robin: He's not getting tons of compliments.