Marshall: [on the phone] Everything here is dark and sketchy and seems illegal. It's like shopping in Barney's mind.

Woman: Now, what sort of dress did you have in mind, dear?
Lily: Nothing too huge or-or poofy. I'm not really a girlie girl. But I would like to look like a beautiful princess.

Robin: I saw a couple up front that were nice.
Woman: By the window? No offense, dear, but those are a little out of your price range.
Lily: Where does she get off? She doesn't know how much money I make.
Victoria: Oh, these women are experts. They can guess your net annual income just by looking at your underwear.
Lily: Damn you Old Navy and your reasonably-priced three-packs!

Victoria: I know it sounds lame, but I actually think that Ted might be "the one". That's pretty hard to walk away from.
Robin: Well, I don't know. I'd feel a little Stepford turning down a huge opportunity to chase some guy I'd only known two months.
Victoria: But this isn't just some guy. This is Ted. He's amazing. He's the best guy I know.
Robin: Yeah, in America, but German guys? Whew! I would let them bread my schnitzel any day, if you know what I mean.
Victoria: I really don't...
Robin: Sex.

Lily: You know, Victoria, Marshall and I did long distance once. In college, I did an art course in Paris. I was the only American there. It was really lonely. I only had one friend, Gabrielle. She was kind of homely and strange-looking, and she was really self-conscious about this little mustache she had. Anyway, halfway through the semester, she just stopped talking to me, and I never figured out why. And then I had nobody. The only thing that got me through was knowing that my soul mate was back at home waiting for me. If Ted's your soul mate, then it may be worth it to hang onto him.

Lily: Are you okay?
Robin: I'm fine.
Lily: Okay. Just kind of seemed like you're trying to hustle Victoria out of the country.
Robin: I'm not, I'm just trying to support her. She got a super-important dessert scholarship.
Lily: Stop being sarcastic. It is a super-important dessert scholarship. Wow, that's hard to say without sounding sarcastic.

Lily: It was like this when I found it?
Woman: And how will you be paying for this?
Lily: Credit card...s.

Ted: You're going?
Victoria: Yes. I have to.
Ted: So that's what you decided?
Victoria: Well, no... I mean, I actually came here tonight leaning toward staying, but when you just told me to stay, it made me realize that I have to go.
Ted: What is this, opposite day or something?
Victoria: No.
Ted: So it is?

Marshall: God, that sucks, man. I'm so sorry.
Ted: It was just too much pressure too soon. I mean, maybe it was silly to even think... [As Marshall poses] Yes, Marshall, I see your new suit, and it's awesome.
Marshall: Well, thank you for acknowledging it. It was weird that you hadn't. Look, I understand that you guys had to break up eventually, but why today?
Ted: She's leaving tomorrow.
Marshall: Yeah, but she's still in town.
Ted: Yeah, she... she's still in town.
Marshall: Yeah, so you spend one more amazing day together. Ted, think about it this way: if you knew that you were going to lose your leg tomorrow, would you sit on the couch and cry about it, or would you run, and jump, and do some awesome air kicks while you still could?
Ted: Awesome air kicks, huh? [Ted lifts his leg and poses]
Marshall: New pajama bottoms?
Ted: You know it.

Victoria: Well, what would you want to do?
Ted: Let's do all the stuff we talked about doing and never got around to.
Victoria: Like go to the Mets.
Ted: Yeah, we'll walk across the Brooklyn Bridge.
Victoria: See some monkeys at the zoo?
Ted: Go to that French-Vietnamese place we keep passing and say we want to try?
Victoria: Wow! We better get going.
Ted: Yeah, big day.
Victoria: Yeah.
Future Ted: [v.o.] And, kids, that's exactly what we did with our last day. The museum, the bridge, the restaurant, and all of those nice things.