Robin: Well, I guess you just got to move on. I mean, it's not like you have a shot with Ready McGee over there, right? Ted?
Future Ted: [v.o.] Then I remembered. Cindy had a roommate. A roommate I only caught a glimpse of... But a roommate who, by every indication, was something very special. Was it possible? Could this be the girl attached to that ankle?
Ted: I got to see her ankles.
Robin: You're one of those? God, I swear, one in five guys...

Ted: You can't call dibs on a girl I've been sitting here thinking about maybe talking to eventually at some point.
Barney: You never called dibs.
Ted: Dibs were implied.
Barney: Implied dibs?
Ted: Yeah.
Barney: Ted, you are spitting on the grave of Sir Walter Dibs, inventor of the dib. It was 1652... [v.o.] The SS Dibs was lost at sea...
Ted: Look, I don't have time for a fake history lesson, so I'll keep this simple. You go over there and talk to that girl, I will see you in court.
Barney: And who's gonna represent you? Dibs on Marshall as my lawyer!

Ted: Fine. Have at it. Exercise your dibs. She's got her shields up anyway. She's reading a book.
Barney: Yeah. At a bar. That book might as well be called, "Are you there, Barney? It's Me, Horny."

Barney: [to Robin] This? What you're doing right now? I'm getting a "de-rection."

Marshall: Lily, we have been looking forward to this magical, special night for two weeks now. And, sweetie, during that time, I have been, um... How do I put this delicately? Saving all my love for you.
Lily: I have read 11 books on conception. I have cut out alcohol, caffeine and sugar. I take my temperature every hour. But good for you for not playing with yourself.
Ted: I feel you, buddy.
Marshall: Ah, no. Ah. Don't even touch me, dude. It's been, like... It's been two weeks. I'm, like, a light breeze away from having a big problem. Seriously. [looks at Robin picking her teeth] Okay, I'm better now.

Barney: It's a sad day in New York, Ted. A sad day, indeed. Do you know what I saw on my way in here? A girl... In a sweater. And you know what that means. The season of exposed skin is over. Exactly. Gone are the tank tops, Ted. Gone are the cute little skirts. Gone are the sun dresses. The sun dresses, Ted! I don't think I can make it another eight months with no sun dresses.
Ted: Barney, I really... I have to grade these papers.
Barney: I'm sorry. I'll let you work. But first, a riddle: What piece of women's attire most stokes a man's desire?
Ted: A sun dress.
Barney: Correct. What lightweight outfit, pink or white, makes the front of my slacks abnormally tight?
Ted: I really have to get this done.
Barney: Of course, of course. "Sun dress", by the way.

Barney: Hey, hey, hey. What are you nervous about? Tell me. Tell me. Tell me. What flowing cotton frock...
Ted: Okay, I'll tell you. Just... There's a... There's a girl sitting at the bar.
Barney: Oh.
Ted: Don't look!
Barney: I want to see a pretty girl.
Ted: Okay, you can look. Just, just, just be cool for once.
Barney: I'll be cool. [looks] Ah, Ted. You got your beer label in a bunch over nothing. Listen to your uncle Barney. You have no reason to be nervous. None whatsoever. And I'm going to tell you why in one word.
Ted: And what's that word?
Barney: Dibs!

Future Ted: [v.o.] Uncle Marshall and aunt Lily had recently decided to take a swing at starting a family. Tonight was their first at-bat.
Marshall: [on the phone] Okay, uh, I'm almost ready to leave. Let's just go through the checklist. Candles?
Lily: Check.
Marshall: Music to set the mood?
Lily: Check.
[Soft jazz plays in the apartment]
Marshall: Music for when we're actually doing it?
Lily: Check.
[Banjo music plays in the apartment]

Robin: Hey. 'Sup, dudes? Fries?
Barney: Oh, good God, woman. You're a disgrace.
Robin: No fries for this guy.
Barney: Robin, seriously, I love you, but it's like you have squiggly cartoon odor lines coming off of you right now.

Ted: You know what, Barney? Just cut her some slack, okay? She just went through a breakup.
Barney: With hygiene?
Future Ted: [v.o.] No, with Don. A few months earlier...
[flashback to Ted comforting Robin in the apartment:]
Ted: Here, have some tea.
Robin: Thanks.
Ted: Robin, I am here for you. Whatever you need.
Robin: Okay, um, about that. Ted, listen. I know myself pretty well. And, um, some time over the next few months, I'm going to want to sleep with you. And when that happens, you have to try to say no.
Ted: Try? I will absolutely say no. Our friendship is too important.
Robin: Oh. Okay, you know, maybe I wasn't clear enough. Um... I will come at you with everything I've got. I will stalk you like the lioness stalks the gazelle: careful, patient, deadly. And if you let your guard down for so much as a second, as sure as you were born, I will hump your brains out.
[two weeks later, a disheveled Robin is crying and surrounded by food on the couch when Ted returns home:]
Robin: Okay, I'm ready to have sex now.