Jill: I got water all over the mail. Man! What is this? This is from the Royal Oak Police Department. It's a ticket. Brad!
Brad: Mom, I didn't get a ticket. And in case I did, I got flower credit.
Jill: Wait a minute. I think this is your dad's ticket. [looks at the pictures] Hello!

Tim: Great restaurant. Sorry I'm late. Happy anniversary.
Jill: Is it?
Tim: Look, I know you're upset. But I get so distracted when I'm working under a hood. Come on! I lose track of time when I'm working with my hands.
Jill: Tim, who were you with tonight?
Tim: Who I've been with all this week. Alex, my mechanic.
Jill: Then who is that? [places the traffic ticket on the table]
Tim: Alex, my mechanic. What is this?

Jill: Okay, okay, okay. Why didn't you tell me that you hired a beautiful, sexy woman to work on Brad's car?
Tim: Every time I try to tell you about one of my mechanics, you cut me off, so I didn't bother with the details. So what?
Jill: When they're younger, bigger details, I'd like to know.
Tim: I didn't even know she was a woman until she took off her clothes. She took her overalls off to slip into something comfortable. Look, to me, Alex is just a mechanic.
Jill: There's nothing going on between you?
Tim: There's nothing going on between us. Come on! You know I like cars more than I like women.

Tim: I got you something nice. Open that up.
Jill: You did?
Tim: Yes!
Jill: [pulls out a framed picture] Oh, my God! We look like we're on our way to rob a convenience store.
Tim: We were on our way to the Doobie Brothers that night.
Jill: I know. That was such a great night.
Tim: Happy anniversary, honey.
Jill: Happy anniversary.

Jill: I got you something. Here.
Tim: [opens watch] Did you steal this from my mother?
Jill: No! I found one just like your dad's.

Tim: [answers phone] Hello? Hi, Alex. You found a Flowmaster at half price? You are amazing. No, it's just funny. You know that yellow light we slipped through? I got one of those ticket pictures. You look great. I mean, the angle on me's kind of bad. Huh? I can't hear. Hold on. You're fading out there. [stands up] What? Hold on. Got ya. Yeah. Uh-huh. [stands right next to another table] Throttle body. That's a great idea. [eats off a woman's plate] Tomorrow. Okay? Right. Okay, bye.
Antonio: What a pity champagne costs the same for one as it does for two. [pops cork] Happy anniversary.

Tim: Why did you leave the restaurant like that?
Jill: I'm surprised you noticed. You were so busy talking to your new friend, Alex.
Tim: She found an auto part we were looking for. She was excited. She didn't know it was our anniversary.
Jill: I'm sure she didn't. I'm sure it wasn't important enough for you to mention. [Jill opens the refrigerator door into Tim]
Tim: For your information, I didn't tell anybody it was our anniversary regardless of race, creed or sexual orientation.
Jill: So, you're an equal opportunity idiot.

Tim: Well, that's a great way to celebrate our anniversary, calling me an idiot.
Jill: You earned it! You could've told her that it was your anniversary! That you were with your wife, and you could call her back tomorrow!
Tim: That's exactly what I did say, right after you bolted out of the restaurant.
Jill: You should've seen yourself talking to her. You were drooling like a school boy.
Tim: She got me a Flowmaster at half price.
Jill: Excuse me. While you were spending every waking moment with this woman, I went to 12 different antique stores trying to find a watch to honor the memory of your father, and you didn't look at me once like that tonight! Thanks a lot, Tim! Happy anniversary!

Tim: Jill's having a problem with my new mechanic, Alex.
Wilson: I thought you were crazy about his work.
Tim: Well, he's actually a she.
Wilson: Well, that's funny. You never told me your mechanic was a woman.
Tim: I didn't tell Jill either. When she found out that I spend so much time with Alex, she got really upset.
Wilson: Why didn't you tell Jill that Alex was a woman?
Tim: It never occurred to me.
Wilson: Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh. And why did you spend every night with her this week?
Tim: To work on Brad's car.
Wilson: Ah. And it took you that long to fix the problem in the gearbox?
Tim: No, that took about an hour and a half, but we did other stuff.
Wilson: Ah. What other stuff?
Tim: You know, am I on trial here?

Alex: Hey, what's going on?
Tim: Nothing. I just... I think I'm gonna stop working on the car.
Alex: But we haven't finished the rear end.
Tim: I think we've looked at enough rear ends.