Brad: I can't believe you tried that stupid jump on your new bike. You're going to be grounded till you're dead.
Randy: We have to think of a lie fast.
Brad: We could say lightning hit it.
Randy: Yeah, right. I just wish there was some way we could blame this on Mark.
Brad: Yeah, he believes everything we say. We could tell him he did it.
Randy: That's even dumber than the lightning.

Tim: Do you know anything about this?
Brad: It looks like it was hit by lightning.
Tim: Yeah, right. Lightning?
Randy: Yeah, Mom?
Tim: What happened to the bike?
Randy: Well, it was hit by...
Jill: Don't say "lightning".
Randy: Wind.
Brad: A strong wind.

Tim: What happened to the bike?
Randy: Dad, your hands are green.
Tim: They were hit by lightning.

Randy: Stevie Randall double dared me to jump the ramp down at the park.
Jill: What ramp at the park?
Randy: We built this five-foot ramp at the bottom of the hill to see how far we could jump.
Jill: Five feet?
Tim: Five feet? [chuckles] Wow. You must have been shooting off that thing. [off Jill's look] Man is not supposed to fly!

Tim: Welcome to the show. I'm Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor.
Al: And I'm Al "The Lucky Man" Borland.
Tim: You know, we've got a big show this week. We've got a special guest. A very special guest. The former and maybe future heavy weight champion of the world. Let's bring him out here, Mr. "More Power" himself, George Foreman. Yeah. You know, this is a building show. We build things. What would you like to build?
George Foreman: How about a sandwich?
Tim: Well, actually, we're gonna build a staircase.
George Foreman: I never ate a staircase.
Tim: Well, don't start now. We only have one of them, you know?

Tim: Before we get going, I'd like you to sit down and ask you a few questions, if I could. A little conversation about challenges. You're a renowned heavy weight. You've met a lot of challenges in your life. Has there ever been a challenge you've been unable to meet?
George Foreman: There was this seafood buffet once. I wanted to eat 16 plates of fried shrimp.
Tim: Yeah.
George Foreman: But when I got to the 13th plate, I had trouble. I started to stagger.
Tim: Whoo. What about the 14th plate?
George Foreman: TKO.
Tim: Ah, that TKO thing. Yeah.
George Foreman: Totally keeled over.
Tim: Ha. Well, I guess we can safely say you're the heavy champion of the world. Well... you know... I meant... Just a little joke, George.
George Foreman: That dinner taught me something, Tim.
Tim: What's that?
George Foreman: A man's got to know his limitations.
Tim: Yeah. That's some good advice from the champ.

George Foreman: Hey, Tim, is there something wrong with your eye?
Tim: No, no. I hit it on something.
Al: [to camera] His wife's fist.
Tim: Thanks, Al.
George Foreman: You need to put a thick steak on that eye.
Tim: I thought you were supposed to put ice on a black eye.
George Foreman: Oh, when you're done with ice, you can't barbecue it.

Jill: Tim, look at this.
Randy: Hey, Mom, did you know Dad jumped into three feet of mud naked?
Jill: Again?

Tim: I'm not superstitious. This is your fault.
Jill: Mine?
Tim: Yes. You were the one that planted the idea of bad luck in my mind and let the ergo out of my subconscious. [Jill scoffs] Hey, hey, hey, hey.
Jill: I did what?
Tim: Don't deny this. You and I are a lot different because I don't buy into that hocus-pocus jazz. What?
Jill: Is that garlic I smell?
Tim: That's a cologne.

Tim: Here you go. Good as new.
Karen: Oh, come on, Tim. You can't tell me that actually works.
Tim: Just like it was. [hairdryer blows]
Karen: Impressed.
Tim: Doesn't take a genius to fix a hair dyer.
Jill: And that's why we asked you.
Karen: Good one, Jill.
Jill: Thank you so much.
Tim: [high-pitched voice] I just love it when we girls get together and do our little estrogen humor.