Jill: Randy, why are you wearing all those pads?
Randy: 'cause they look cool.
Tim: And you gotta look cool, 'cause you're not riding that kiddy bike any more. You'll be riding the new KX-80 man-sized speed demon. [grunts]
Jill: Hey, have fun but ride slowly, OK?
Tim: Jill, ride slowly? A man's got to make challenges for himself. Try to visualize you're at the Bonneville Salt flats. Right out of the chute. 200 miles an hour... 300, 400, 500... [grunts]
Karen: Fur ball, Tim?
Tim: [grunts]

Karen: Tim, that letter's addressed to you. You're the one who's gonna have the bad luck.
Tim: God, you're right, Karen. Something horrible could happen to me. I'll see you guys. Bye-bye.
[After Tim walks into the garage, he starts screaming. He runs around with his sweater over his head]
Tim: I need a head, I need a head.

Al: I'm just saying that all day I've had good luck.
Tim: Really?
Al: I found $20 on the sidewalk. And this morning, I won a shovel on a radio contest.
Tim: Ooh, a shovel? You must have been listening to "Grave Digging With Gus".

Al: I'm just saying that if you send that chain letter, you'll have better luck.
Tim: Al, listen. Having George Foreman on the show, that is good luck. Winning a shovel, that's not good luck. You do not have good luck.
Lisa: Al, Al, I almost forgot. The heat's broken in my apartment. Can I stay at your place tonight?
Al: Sure, Lisa.
Lisa: Thank you.
Al: [to Tim] Hm-mmm, hm-mmm, hm-mmm.

Jill: Oh, look at this. The boys left their basketball here again. Tim, would you get rid of this for me? Catch. [laughs after Tim doesn't try to catch the ball] Al called. Told us about your hands.
Tim: Why didn't you say something?
Jill: 'cause this is more fun. [throws the ball to Tim]
Tim: This has nothing to do with throwing out that chain letter.
Jill: I didn't say that. Did you say that?
Karen: Not that.

Karen: Boxing's not a sport.
Tim: What do you call a great sport, synchronized swimming? I'm not kidding. They call boxing "the sweet science".
Jill: Oh, really? How scientific is it for two men to stand in a ring and pound each other?

Jill: Ooh. It's really getting swollen.
Tim: Yeah.
Jill: And red. Maybe we should dye it green to match your hands. [laughs] Well, I'm sorry, honey, but you made me hit you.
Karen: Tim, did she hit you with a jab or an uppercut?
Tim: It was a lucky punch is what it was.
Jill: Not so lucky for you.

Tim: Don't start this. This has nothing to do with me throwing out that chain letter.
Jill: I told you not to throw it away.
Tim: You didn't pull it out of the trash and save it did you?
Jill: No, why? Are you sorry I didn't?
Tim: No, it belongs in the trash.
Karen: Guys, I'm leaving.
Tim: Hey, my luck is changing already.

Randy: I know you always say a man should take care of his machine. And I'm sorry. But I did beat the record.
Tim: By how much?
Randy: Six feet.
Tim: Yes!
Jill: Tim.
Tim: [sternly] Go on upstairs. You heard me. Go on, now.

Randy: You know, Dad, jumping off that ramp really was stupid.
Tim: It sure was. You could have been hurt real bad. A man's gotta know his limitations. That's what it is.
Randy: Yeah, I guess you're right.
Tim: Yeah, but I think I know why you did it. When I was young, I knew this kid, this real bright, good-looking kid, that everybody used to taunt, you know? They challenged him and he met their challenge by diving off a dock into three feet of mud, naked.
Randy: Man, that was stupid.
Tim: It wasn't as stupid as what you did. I think it's kind of brave.
Randy: Brave?
Tim: Yeah, big shot. You had pads, I was naked.