Jill: Dad, you didn't know half of what was going on in that house.
Col. Patterson: I knew everything.
Jill: Oh, you did, did you? OK, did you know that when I was in high school when I said I was going on that all-girl ski weekend, I really went to a peace march in Washington with Tommy Burnett?
Col. Patterson: Tommy the commie? I don't wanna know it.
Jill: You see? You wanna be kept in the dark.
Col. Patterson: Some things are better left unsaid.
Jill: Maybe for you, 'cause then you could have the same order at home that you had at the base, but we're not your soldiers, Dad.
Col. Patterson: Damn right. My soldiers were under control. Then I'd come home to your mother and you five girls, and I never knew what the hell was going on!

Jill: Dad... I love you so much, and there were a million times that I needed to talk to you, but I felt like I couldn't.
Col. Patterson: I always thought I was pretty easy to talk to.
Jill: Well, you're not.
Col. Patterson: Well, we're talking now.
Jill: Yeah.
Col. Patterson: [takes Jill's hand] Look, honey, I'm sorry I chewed your head off about the book.
Jill: I'm sorry I didn't like the book, but I'm glad that I had the guts to tell you the truth.

Jill: Hey, what are you doing?
Tim: This thing's too easy for Randy, so I tweaked it up a little bit.
Jill: Oh... I hate when you say that word "tweak." It makes my hackles go up.
Tim: [grunts] I love when your hackles go up. Where's your dad?
Jill: It's 20 degrees outside, and he's out there futzing with the Lincoln.
Tim: Watch how hard this thing hits the net now. Randy's gonna be a great goalie. Watch the top-left corner. [glass breaking]
Col. Patterson: [o.s.] My car!
Tim: It was Jill!

Tim: Now, if you look at it in this light, it's more of a lima bean, isn't it?

Tim: All right, Randy, I'm ready to teach you the most important skill in hockey.
Brad: Fighting.
Tim: No, goaltending.
Randy: Are you sure this is gonna help?
Tim: Positive.
Mark: It can't hurt. Last week you gave up 14 goals.
Brad: 15.
Randy: No, 15 is what you got on your math test.

Boys: Grandpa!
Col. Patterson: There's my troops! Attention! [they salute] At ease. Ah, hair's getting a little long. Maybe later we'll all go for crew cuts.
Randy: [chuckles] Yeah, right.
Col. Patterson: What did you say?
Randy: Um, nothing, sir. Ha. [Col. Patterson hugs the boys]

Mark: Grandpa, what did you bring us?
Jill: Hey, hey, come on, Mark. Where are your manners?
Col. Patterson: Hey, what's a grandfather for? I got you guys a special treat. Shrapnel.
Brad: Cool. Let's go show Jeremy.
Jill: Hey, watch it with that stuff. It's sharp.
Col. Patterson: You bet it's sharp. That shrapnel was removed from my... Forget where it was removed from.

Tim: You gave the boys shrapnel? What did you give me?
Col. Patterson: I gave you my daughter.
Tim: Yeah, you're right, sir, but I'm kinda tired of playing with that gift.
Col. Patterson: You know, Tim, about you always calling me "sir..."
Tim: Yeah?
Col. Patterson: I like it. No, actually I do have something for the both of you.
Tim: His-and-her bazookas.

Col. Patterson: I wrote a book about my experiences in the military. I got a copy for each of you.
Tim: Hefty.
Jill: Dad, you wrote a book. This is great.
Col. Patterson: If Schwarzkopf can do it, any bum can. You know, I thought, you know, since you work at the magazine, you could read it and if you like it, you might pass it along to some of your friends in publishing.
Jill: Oh, Dad, I'm so excited. I can't wait to read it.
Col. Patterson: And I can't wait to have you tell me what you thought of it.

Tim: Would it make you feel better if I told him the truth?
Jill: Oh, honey, that is so sweet. I should be the one to tell him, though.
Tim: Great.
Jill: But since I can't...
Tim: Jill...
Jill: Well...
Tim: Jill, listen to me. Look, what if I get the ball rolling and you just jump in when you feel comfortable?
Jill: That might work.
Tim: Sure it will. I'll tell him how I feel about it, and then you just back me up.
Jill: But you have to promise to be tactful.
Tim: Have I ever been anything but tactful?