Lt. Col. McDougal: Jill, you really know your tanks.
Jill: Oh, I always loved tanks. When I was a child, I used to dream of driving one. Of course, I knew I'd never get to since I'm just a lowly, inept, helpless female.
Tim: And it starts.
Lt. Col. McDougal: You know, many people think that policy is outdated.
Jill: Good.

Lt. Col. McDougal: Uh, Tim, you might want to stay away from the tank commander's post. There are a lot buttons that can get you into trouble.
Tim: [grunts] Oh, I love buttons.
Jill: Man, what I wouldn't give to get behind the T-bar of one of these hogs.
Lt. Col. McDougal: Well, Jill, even though women aren't allowed to operate these in combat, we could arrange a test drive for you.
Jill: No! You're kidding me! You're gonna let me drive a tank? Tim, he is gonna let me drive a tank!
Tim: I don't think that's such a good idea. She has the facts, but hands-on experience - that's something else. [fires artillery] Everybody OK? I was just showing her how to use the machine gun.

Lt. Col. McDougal: These are the tanks you'll be driving. Now, remember, Timmy, this isn't the old Chevy Nova you had in high school.
Tim: Of course not. That bit the dust when the tree ran into me, remember?

Lt. Col. McDougal: We've set up an obstacle course for the two of you.
Tim: You got a real one for me and, like, a little baby one for Jill?
Jill: We'll see who's crying for his mommy when this is over.
Tim: Yeah, we will.
Lt. Col. McDougal: Now, remember, the objective is to maneuver through the course without knocking over pylons.
Tim: So, let's pile on! Remember, honey, it's not like driving around the mall parking lot.
Jill: Yeah. It's not like that Tool Time set either.

Tim: Bill, what are the chances of me driving that tank again?
Lt. Col. McDougal: Oh, about the same as Tool Time winning an Emmy.
Tim: You know, that little tank accident could've happened to anyone.
Lt. Col. McDougal: Tim, it's never happened in the history of the Marines.
Jill: Well, the important thing is that nobody got hurt. And we know our country would win if we're ever invaded by enemy golf carts.
Lt. Col. McDougal: Tim, not only is she a better tank driver than you, she's also funnier.
Tim: Yeah. I just can't stop laughing, Bill.

Jill: Mmm, chipped beef on toast. I haven't had this since I was 11 years old.
Tim: Ew! You're probably still digesting it.

Jill: Colonel, I can't thank you enough. I mean, you fulfilled a childhood dream for me today.
Lt. Col. McDougal: It was a pleasure watching you in action. Looked like you've driven a tank all your life.
Jill: It was such a cool feeling. You know, when I started I was so scared. And then when I got comfortable, it was so much fun.
Lt. Col. McDougal: Yeah, when you grabbed that T-bar, you just let her rip...
Tim: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah! You know, how do they get the tea this color?

Lt. Col. Hall: You must be the woman the whole base is talking about. Boy, that was some tank driving!
Jill: Well, thank you very much. You know, my husband got to drive a tank, too.
Lt. Col. Hall: Yeah. The base is talking about that, too.

Lt. Col. McDougal: Yeah, you sure beat the pants off old Timmy here.
Jill: Well, it wasn't a race.
Lt. Col. McDougal: Yeah, you're right.
Lt. Col. Hall: Come on, give him a break. He's probably one of those guys that doesn't know a whole lot about machines. What do you do for a living, sir?
Tim: I own a little dress shop.
Lt. Col. McDougal: No, he doesn't. He's got his own tool show. [Lt. Col. Hall laughs]
Jill: No. And it's a great show. I mean, he may have had trouble with those obstacles, but it wasn't an easy course.

Tim: Jill, you don't have to defend me.
Jill: I'm not defending you. I'm just stating a fact.
Tim: You didn't have any trouble with the course.
Jill: Well, OK. I did a little better than you. So, big deal. Who cares?
Tim: I care, little "Miss The Whole Base Is Talking About You."
Jill: I can't believe you're being such a baby.
Tim: Oh, me? I'm the baby?
Lt. Col. McDougal: Oh, whose turn is it to lower the flag?
Lt. Col. Hall: I don't know. Maybe we should do it, huh?
Tim: You don't have to go, guys. Come on.
Lt. Col. Hall: Sorry, Tim. It's not our war.