Patty: OK. OK, OK, I need the groom. I need the best man. I need ushers, ushers, ushers. Are you an usher?
Wilson: Do you think I would buy this suit?

Jill: Tim! Tim!
Tim: What's the matter? What's the matter?
Jill: You aren't gonna believe this. Ilene feels the same way that Al does.
Tim: She's got a thing for Barbara Walters?

Ilene: We need to talk!
Al: I'm needed at the altar.
Ilene: It's now or never, Al. I'm not sure if we should be getting married.
Patty: Woo-hoo! [camera clicks]
Al: You? You what? Really? I'm not sure either.
Patty: Over here. [camera clicks]
Ilene: You're not sure? Well... why didn't you say something?
Al: I... I made a commitment to you.
Patty: Woo-ooh. [camera clicks]
Al: Why didn't you say something?
Patty: Over here. [camera clicks]
Ilene: Why don't we finish this in private?
Al: Could you excuse us a second?

Tim: How's it going in the church?
Marty: Uh, pretty good. Heidi got her hoop skirt caught in the communion rail. All the guys are lining up to help her get untangled.
Benny: And even worse, Al's mother's starting to pace.
Tim: I thought I felt the foundation shaking.
Marty: I had better get back, uh... ...Harry's holding my place in line.

Jill: Oh, look at them. A happy ending. You're getting married.
Ilene: No, we're not.
Jill: You're not.
Al: Well, we thought we'd be better off just friends.
Ilene: Good friends.
Al: Yes.
Benny: [to Tim] Does this mean she's available now?

Jill: Strangest wedding I've ever been to. Great music, great food. Nobody got married.
Tim: If you'd had it your way, that's how our wedding would've ended up.
Jill: Are you still obsessing about that?
Tim: Sorry. It's a little upsetting to find out after 18 years, our marriage is a sham.
Jill: [laughs] You're not seriously upset?
Tim: Maybe.
Jill: OK... what is it you really want out of this?
Tim: What do you got?
Jill: [kisses Tim] I love you very, very much. Marrying you was the best thing that ever happened to me.
Tim: What else you got?
[Jill sits down and kicks up her skirt]