Ilene: You know, the things I used to find charming about him, I now find annoying.
Jill: But that's marriage.
Ilene: You know that snorting sound he makes? [imitates Al]
Jill: Oh, but it's cute. And he only does it after he tells a joke.
Ilene: He does it after a few other things, too.
Jill: [gasps] Oh!

Randy: Whoa! Big gift? You and Mom have a big fight?
Tim: It's for Al.
Mark: You and Al have a big fight?

Tim: This isn't a party for kids.
Randy: Ooh, what are you gonna do? Sit around and tell dirty jokes?
Tim: Waste of time. Al wouldn't get any of them.

Jill: Yeah, I heard about all the warmth and sensitivity at your bachelor party.
Tim: It was a very special evening for me. And luckily, that stripper turned out to be a paramedic.

Tim: Hey, slow down, big fella. That's the third diet ginger ale you've had.
Harry: This is a first. The groom's gonna end up the designated driver.
Benny: Come on, Al! This is your last night as a free man. Have a real drink.
Al: You know, you're right. It's time to throw caution to the wind and sow my wild oats!
Benny: Yeah.
Tim: Yeah, right.
Marty: Or, in your case, wild oat bran.

Al: Milton, no more diet ginger ale. Give me a, uh, Jack Black, beer back. [guys cheer] You know, I want you guys to know it really means a lot to me to spend this night with my dearest friends.
Tim: When are they coming?

Jill: What are you guys still doing up?
Brad: We're getting this stuff put together to detail Al's car for the wedding.
Jill: You're gonna tie cans to the bumper and spray shaving cream on the windshield? That's supposed to be funny?
Randy: Dad thinks so.
Jill: Why don't you try doing this to his car and see how funny he thinks it is?
Brad: I like the way you think.

Jill: Al... what are you doing here?
Al: Tim made me come.
Tim: He doesn't want to go through with the wedding.
Jill: [gasps] Oh, my God! This is all your fault! You didn't do enough damage on Tool Time? You had to drive him over the edge at the bachelor party?
Tim: I told you she'd blame this on me.

[Jill walks in her Southern belle bridesmaid dress]
Jill: OK, so, what do you think?
Brad: The Civil War's over.
Jill: Oh!
[Tim walks in his powder-blue suit]
Randy: But apparently disco is alive and kicking.

Al: Don't worry. I'm feeling better about things. I've made my decision. I'm gonna take the plunge. In 11 minutes and 1 4 seconds, Al Borland becomes Mr. Al Borland!