Tim: Come on. Sugarplum. Honeybuns. There's nothing wrong with two kids having a nice race down Dead Man's Curve.
Jill: Down what?
Tim: Fred Man's Curve.

Tim: It's gonna take your mom about two minutes to find that. Now, if you bury it, you might have a shot at it.
Brad: Dad, I'm no good at playing the saxophone.
Tim: You were great this morning playing "Baa Baa Black Sheep."
Brad: Dad, that was "Mary Had A Little Lamb."
Tim: Well, lamb, sheep - it's all about wool. Just try a little harder, will ya?

Tim: Wilson, what are you doing up there?
Wilson: Well, Tim, I am trying to get Mrs. Foley's cat Fluffy out of that tree. Mm-mm-mm-mm. So how was your day?
Tim: Little frustrating. I'm trying to explain to Jill the meaning of the word "challenge."
Wilson: Well, I would think, living with you, that she'd be an expert on that.
Tim: No, I mean when one man challenges another man. She doesn't realize you can't back down from that.
Wilson: Aha. So Al is being obstreperous at work again?
Tim: No, he took some penicillin and cleared that up.
Tim: You know Vinnie McGurn next door?
Wilson: Oh, yes indeed. He's the reason that Fluffy's up in the tree.

Jill: I don't see why you have to race Vinnie McGurn at all.
Randy: Because if I don't, he's gonna think I'm afraid of him, and I'm not.
Jill: You should be afraid of him. He's a scary guy.
Randy: Ha. No kidding. At the father/son picnic, he's the only kid that was mistaken for his father.
Jill: Now, you see, that's funny. Humor has always been your best weapon.
Randy: But Vinnie's too stupid to understand my jokes.

Jill: In your life, you're gonna run up against a million Vinnie McGurns. Are you planning on racing all of them?
Randy: I don't know. All I know is that I have to race this one. I have to fight back.
Jill: But it's not a fair fight.
Randy: I'm never gonna have a fair fight. I'm the shortest kid in my class!
Jill: Honey...
Randy: And don't tell me my height doesn't matter.
Jill: It doesn't matter. It's what's inside that counts. Don't sell yourself short. Sorry.
Randy: Look, in case you haven't noticed, even my little brother is the same size as me.
Jill: Randy... everybody grows at their own rate. Mark just had a growth spurt. I mean, you could have one at any time.
Randy: Yeah, but probably not by this weekend, huh?
Jill: No, probably not.

Tim: I don't think Randy has to prove anything to Vinnie McGurn. I don't think there's any reason for him to race the kid over this.
Jill: Oh, I think he does have to race him.
Tim: [inquisitive grunt]
Jill: Unfortunately, Randy feels that he has to prove something to himself, and we have to let him do this. Now, I was wondering... Um, is there some way that you can make the spoiler bigger and bevel the edges more?
Tim: Are y... are you my wife?
Jill: Yeah. I read somewhere that if you heat the runners up, it makes it go faster. Is that true?
Tim: That's illegal, Jill.
Jill: What is this, the Olympics?

Tim: Have you ever noticed that we agree on everything but never at the same time?
Jill: Well, I have to admit that this time you were right, Tim.
Tim: Ooh-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo. If I'm right, you would be... Starts with "W."
Jill: Your wonderful wise wife.
Tim: No, no, no, no, no. No, no. Ah. If someone isn't right...
Jill: Mm-hmm.
Tim: ...they're generally referred to as "wr..."
Jill: Really open-minded and big enough to listen to other people's opinions.
Tim: OK. No. I'm looking for something that rhymes with "song."
Jill: Right! So long.

Randy: Hey, did you see how mad Vinnie's father got when Dad was doing that victory dance?
Brad: I can't believe he challenged him to the race.
Jill: I can't believe your father accepted the challenge.
Tim: [walks in on crutches] Oh, it's just a sprain.

Jill: Tim, he begged us for those saxophone lessons. I'm trying to teach - Excuse me. I'm trying to teach him to stick with something, follow it through. You don't want him to be a quitter, do you?
Tim: Quitting would be a bad thing. [Brad plays flat note] But being a quitter's parents - we could live with that.
Jill: You know, it's always bad in the beginning. You think Mozart's parents enjoyed listening to him practice?
Tim: Great example. They named their kid Wolfman.
Jill: Wolfgang.
Tim: So, a group of wolves. What's the difference?

Randy: Paul and Vinnie McGurn stuck me upside down in a snowbank.
Brad: I hate those guys.
Tim: I thought we told you to stay away from the McGurns. They're big, ugly and stupid. That's a lethal combination.