Jill: Actually, honey. I think that those guys at the mall are Santa's helpers, you know. The way that AI is Daddy's helper.
Tim: Right.
Mark: So they do all the work.
Jill: Yeah.
Tim: They assist Santa. Like AI assists me.
Mark: Oh, that makes sense.

Randy: OK, fine. Here's the truth. There used to be a Santa Claus. But he died six years ago.
Brad: Yep, you just missed out.
Mark: Santa Claus isn't dead.
Randy: Yes, he is. He had a terrible accident with one of his reindeer. Blitzen fell on him.
Mark: He's really dead?
Brad: Kicked the bucket.
Randy: Bought the dirt farm.
Brad: Six feet under.
Randy: Pushing up the daisies.
Brad: Deader than a doornail.
Randy: Stiff as a board.
Brad: Cold as ice.
Randy: Met his maker.

Marty: Band-Aids?
Jill: Um, upstairs, top three drawers.
Marty: Which room?
Jill: Every room.

Brad: Hey, guys, get down here. Let's see what Grandma and Grandpa got us for Christmas.
Mark: Hear anything good?
Brad: [shakes box] No, I don't hear anything.
Brad & Randy: Clothes.

Jill: Oh, come on. Gosh, I think this is going to be the perfect Christmas.
Tim: You're not kidding. I think this year, finally, my decorations are gonna beat Doc Johnson.
Jill: No. I was referring to your brother's family being here, and my parents coming.
Tim: Don't set yourself up like this. Every year your parents come, you end up locked in your bedroom going, "Why did I even invite them?"
Tim: You know what present I'd like your dad to give me? Call me "Tim" instead of "Hey, you."
Jill: Well, if you heard what he called you behind your back, you'd be happy with "Hey, you."