Randy: Mom, we're starving. Tell us where you hid the cookies.
Brad: Mom, come on. We're not having dinner for an hour.
Randy: What are you eating, Mom?
Jill: [swallows] Nothing.
Randy: Hey, that was a Hoop-Dee-Ho.
Jill: Was not.
Randy: Let me smell your breath.
Jill: Hey! There will be no breath smelling. You're so desperate for a snack, go get some raisins.
Randy: Right. Then we can have some salad and a multivitamin.

Tim: Hey, Al. Good to see you. I want to get going in a hurry. I want to get to the project house before Maureen gets there.
Al: She's already there.
Tim: You're kidding.
Al: Well, when I drove by, she was showing the crew where the breakfast nook will be.
Tim: What? I told her no breakfast nook!
Al: I know. But I just think maybe you should give Mo a chance.
Tim: Mo? A little nickname now? What are you called? Aaa?

Tim: Well, Al, I'm your boss. I gotta keep a professional distance from you. All I'm saying is that... What the hell do you have on?
Al: Well, Mo says sometimes I tend to blend into the background.
Tim: You're supposed to blend into the background.
Al: Well, if you don't like the shirt, Tim, fine. I'm not forcing you to wear one.
Tim: Well, good, because now we won't be mistaken for the Beach Boys.

Maureen Binford: Oh, fine. This sun is really drying my skin out.
Al: You know, I have some moisturizer.
Tim: Shut up, Al!
Al: Is there anything I can do for you down here, Tim?
Tim: Yeah, why don't you get your ukulele? You can start the luau.

Maureen Binford: All right, everybody. Let's roll!
Tim: Hi. Welcome to Tool Time. As you can see, our 1955 ranch home needs a lot of work, especially the roof. Now, you wanna have a professional examine any weak or discolored areas like these, and make sure they're properly attended to. For now, we'll just hop over these to a safer area. [creak] It's a little weak here. You wanna avoid this area, too. Aah! [crash] [yells]

Jill: What's the matter with you? You're limping.
Tim: I fell through a roof.
Jill: What?
Tim: Yeah, right through the subfloor. Luckily the basement broke my fall.
Jill: Oh, honey, are you all right?
Tim: Yeah, my leg's OK. It's my life that's wrecked.
Jill: What do you mean?
Tim: Everything- Everything seems to be changing for me. You went to work. Wilson's taking a bath. Al looks like Don Ho.

Maureen Binford: Excuse me. I don't mean to disturb you.
Al: You're Maureen, Mr. Binford's daughter, right?
Maureen Binford: Very good memory, Al.
Al: Oh, I couldn't forget you. At the Halloween party, you came dressed as a toggle switch.
Maureen Binford: Yeah, well... I went for different. I mean, how many years in a row can you show up as a hacksaw? [both chuckle]

Al: Tim, look who's here. It's Maureen Binford.
Tim: Hey, Maureen. Good to see you. How're you doing?
Maureen Binford: Tim, listen, I gotta tell you. Your show just keeps getting better and better.
Tim: Well, gee, thanks.
Maureen Binford: You're welcome. All that grunting and macho stuff. The audience really responds... even the women. Every time you screw up, they laugh. And believe me, they laugh a lot. [laughs] And then you have your expertise and your sex appeal with Al.
Tim: Maureen, what is it you need, besides glasses?

Maureen Binford: Actually, I was gonna ask you that since I'm your new producer.
Tim: Yeah... Whoa, back the truck up. Who made that decision?
Maureen Binford: Daddy.
Tim: Your dad would not make a decision like that without asking me, Maureen.
Maureen Binford: He's been a bit preoccupied lately.
Tim: With what?
Maureen Binford: With the 23-year-old tool model he just married.
Tim: Your dad got married?
Maureen Binford: To Miss Black & Decker. And believe me, I'd like to.

Tim: Your dad bagged Terry Louise Gardner?
Maureen Binford: You know who she is?
Al: Oh, yeah. She's in the spring catalog - page 141.
Tim: And most of...
Both: 142, yeah.
Tim: Pretty amazing stuff.
Al: Well, we get the catalog. So we have to look through it, because of re... research.
Maureen Binford: I understand.
Tim: Well, you know, the tools come in...
Al: Well, yeah, the tools come in every day...