Jill: And she'd keep you company in the waiting room.
Tim: Don't worry about me. I'm in the hospital. I've got more friends here than anywhere else.
Jill: That's true.

Nurse: Are you ready, Mrs. Taylor?
Jill: No.
Tim: Yeah, you are. You'll be fine. At 9:00, you'll be out, good as new. You will, honey.
Jill: I love you.
Tim: I love you, honey. I'll be waiting for you right here. Doc, I want you to bag up the parts. I'm gonna check your work.

Wilson: Tim?
Tim: Hey, Wilson. What are you doing here? What are you doing coming out of there?
Wilson: Well, I was delivering a baby. I got a call from the hospital this morning. They were short of midwife.
Tim: Kind of a midwife crisis, huh?
Wilson: I'm between births right now, so I wanted to come out and see if you had found out how Jill was doing.
Tim: There's no word. I mean, the doctor said this procedure was an hour and a half. We're going into two hours and 47 minutes now.
Wilson: Well, I wouldn't be alarmed. Surgeries are often delayed.
Tim: I hope that's it. You suppose I could borrow that getup? Maybe I'll sneak in there and see what's going on.
Wilson: I think the hospital would frown on that, Tim.

Tim: I just want to know that she's okay, Wilson, you know? I can't stand waiting. I feel like my hands are tied out here.
Wilson: You know, Tim, Mahatma Gandhi said, "The most potent instrument of action is prayer."
Tim: I don't really have one on the top of my head.
Wilson: I'd love to say one right now that I've always found very comforting.
Tim: All right.
Wilson: [chants in foreign language] [Tim shushes Wilson to no effect]
Tim: Amen.

Al: These skis are made of hickory. A testament to good old-fashioned craftsmanship.
Tim: Well, and these skis are made out of stainless steel. A testament to how much money you can blow at a ski shop.
Al: No matter what kind of skis you have, it's a good thing to keep them maintained.
Tim: Right. Which brings us to our first guest today, ski maintenance expert, Dolph Schmetterling. [accordion music plays]
Dolph: How do you do?
Al: Welcome.
Dolph: Hi, Tim.
Tim: Good to have you. Thank you very much. [accordion music continues] Klaus! [music stops] Sorry about that.

Tim: Honey, this is supposed to be our winter vacation. You sure you don't want to go with us?
Jill: No, not this year. I have to finish my master's thesis.
Tim: Got a headache?
Jill: No, no. Just really bloated. My period's all screwed up.
Tim: Hey, hey! [points to his food]

Tim: Good morning, Patty.
Patty: Morning, Tim. That was a great Tool Time yesterday.
Tim: We were pre-empted.
Patty: I'm sorry, I didn't realize that. I was just trying to be polite.
Tim: Well, in that case, your hair looks fabulous.

Tim: [answers phone] Hello?
Jill: Hi, honey. Oh, will you do me a favor? Pick me up at the gynecologist's office in about an hour. Patty dropped me off, but she couldn't stay.
Tim: You're not feeling any better?
Jill: No. In fact, I'm bleeding really heavily. I'm going through a tampon...
Tim: Honey, honey, honey. Yeah. All right, all right. I got the message. I'll pick you up at the gynecologist's at 5:00. Bye.

Tim: Lloyd, it's been awhile. I haven't seen you since...
Dr. Fields: Since I delivered Mark.
Tim: You know, his head finally did round out.

Tim: Okay. So, why are we here?
Jill: So, you know all those female problems I've been having, the cramps, the heavy bleeding...
Tim: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Jill: They're caused by a large fibroid tumor on my uterus.
Tim: A tumor?
Dr. Fields: I'm afraid Jill's gonna need a hysterectomy.