Tim: Now, Manhattan Transfer will not be using a backup band today because they'll be singing Acapulco.
Tim Hauser: Tim, actually, it's "a cappella."
Tim: That's warm there too. I love it there.

Brad: Randy, do you really think Dad's gonna hang our pictures up in the post office?
Randy: I hope you're kidding.

Jill: I think this is a really good idea. We'll take you back to the shelter tomorrow.
Randy: OK. We have some more stuff in the basement.
Jill: OK. Well, just gather everything up that you don't play with.
Brad: OK. Mark, jump in.
Mark: Shut up.

Tim: Honey, have you seen the front yard? Frosty's missing.
Jill: I know.
Tim: Oh, it's not enough that Doc Johnson wins the contest. Now he's gonna hijack my snowman?
Jill: Doc Johnson didn't take it.
Tim: I suppose a 17-foot plastic snowman is hiding from me?
Jill: Does this look familiar?
Tim: Frosty?
Jill: He had a power surge and suffered a meltdown.

Brad: Boy, I'm glad that's over.
Randy: Yeah, tell me about it. Can you believe all those kids down at the shelter?
Brad: Yeah. They didn't have anything. We were stealing money from them.
Randy: We have lots of stuff. I guess we got it pretty good, huh? Come on. Let's clean up our room.
Brad: It was kinda weird the way those kids were staring at us.
Randy: They were staring at you. You just stood there making monkey sounds. Ugh. Ugh.
Brad: That was 'cause Mom was poking me in the ribs.
Randy: She wanted you to say something. I had to apologize for the both of us.
Brad: So? I had to give 'em the money.

Brad: Dad, everyone in the neighborhood's standing outside of our house, and they don't look too happy.
Tim: Oh, everyone in the whole neighborhood's out there? The whole neighborhood's stood out there? Is Mrs.
Swanson out there with those stupid drop earrings? Open the door, she's right here?
[When Tim opens the door, the neighbors are shouting over each other]
Tim: You know, maybe I should put a dimmer on that. Wouldn't that be a good idea?

Randy: I mean, we worked hard, and I'm wearing out my shoes.
Brad: So?
Randy: So... charity... charity... two for us.
Brad: I don't know. This is all supposed to go to charity.
Randy: It will. I'm just taking a little bit out for business expenses. Besides, Mom always says, "Charity begins at home."

Maureen Binford: Oh, Tim, there you are. Are you ready to shoot our Christmas promo? [sings] Fa la la la la, la la la la
Tim: You should try to cheer up a little bit, Maureen.

Al: [dressed as Santa Claus] Ho ho ho.
Tim: Look, it's a telephone repairman from the North Pole.
Al: And what would you like for Christmas, little boy?
Tim: A new assistant.

Al: Tim "The Elf Man" Taylor.
Maureen Binford: Oh, now, don't be such a grinch. You looked adorable. I've got a wonderful surprise.
Tim: You joined a convent and took a vow of silence.
Maureen Binford: No, silly. I have booked some very special musical guests for our Christmas show. Guess who? Time's up! Manhattan Transfer!
Tim: Manhattan Transfer? Didn't you think about checking with me?
Maureen Binford: Tim, are you forgetting? [singsong] Producer! Besides, who did you want me to book? Those musical barking dogs that sing "Jingle Bells"?
Tim: Yes! We were trying to get them for three years.
Al: They won't do a cable show.