Home Improvement Quotes

Home Improvement

Home Improvement

Tim Allen stars as Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor, host of a local tool show, who is always looking to add "more power", whether he's at work, in his garage, or raising his three boys with his wife Jill.

Starring: Tim Allen, Patricia Richardson, Earl Hindman, Zachery Ty Bryan, Jonathan Taylor Thomas, Taran Noah Smith, Richard Karn, Debbe Dunning.
Recurring Actors: William O'Leary, Blake Clark, Jimmy Labriola, Charles Robinson, Mickey Jones, Gary McGurk, Casey Sander, Shirley Prestia.
Original Run: 1991-1999.

Quote of the Day

Quote from Wilson in Oh, Brother

Wilson: See, Romulus and Remus were very close until they decided to work together to build a city.
Tim: Yeah? What happened?
Wilson: Well, Romulus was the boss and he wanted things done his way. And Remus disagreed with him and that angered Romulus. So instead of working things out, you know what he did?
Tim: I'd fire him!
Wilson: No, he killed him.
Tim: Oh, boy! Oh, boy. Well, I guess when you're raised by a wolf, you lack certain social skills.
Wilson: No, Tim. The point is if Romulus hadn't been so rash, and tried to meet his brother halfway, they might've been able to patch things up.
Tim: Oh, I see. I should try to meet Marty halfway.
Wilson: There you go.

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Popular Quotes

Quote from Al in Dead Weight

Al: I was just thinking about my mother, all the great times we used to have. When I was a kid, she used to take us to the park. We'd fly kites, she'd push us on the swing. We'd spend hours on the teeter-totter.
Tim: I used to love the teeter-totter. Up and down. Up and down.
Al: Down?
Tim: Well, they play it differently in different parts of the country.

Quote from Jill in Back in the Saddle Shoes Again

Tim: Well, let me ask you a question. Have you ever wished that you'd married somebody as smart as you?
Jill: You think I'm smarter than you?
Tim: Yeah.
Jill: Well, that just shows how smart you are.
Tim: You didn't answer the question.
Jill: Do I ever wish that I married somebody else? Why would I wanna marry anybody else? You're funny, you're sexy, creative, you take chances, and you're definitely not afraid to be wrong. I'm perfectly happy being married to a man who thinks that PBS is something that women get once a month.
Tim: What I said was, "Once a month is enough for PBS." And way too much for the other thing.

Quote from Tim in At Sea

Tim: I wanna talk about you and Angela.
Brad: Dad, there's nothing to talk about.
Tim: I want to talk about sex for a minute.
Brad: Dad, I don't want...
Tim: I want you to listen to me, please. Listen up. Sex is, um... It's like a car. The best idea is to keep the car in the garage for a long, long, long time. And then, somewhere in the future, the distant future, when that garage door opens... you gotta think, "car cover".

Quote Collections

  • Christmas Quotes

    “Christmas Quotes”

    Enjoy a selection of quotes from classic Christmas episodes of Home Improvement.

    35 quotes