Tim: When I was in school English was my worst subject...
Jill: I thought it was History.
Tim: Well, History and English.
Jill: What about Spanish?
Tim: Put an el corko in it, senorita, all right?

Tim: The worst part of English to me was creative writing, where I had to express all these great ideas I had. And it was really hard to me, but I worked at it, and I worked it out. I got better grades and I felt great because of that.
Brad: Yeah, I gotta admit, getting those A's felt pretty good.
Jill: The greatest accomplishments in your life are gonna be the things that you really have to work hard for.
Brad: I guess you're right.
Tim: Of course she's right. Look at me. I was finally able to express my ideas and one of them eventually became the Man's Bedroom.

Al: All right, well, here are the two equal side rails Tim cut. Luckily, I cut some side rails earlier.
Tim: Now we gotta weld our flanges to our frame rails. I love welding. You might say... I carry a torch for it. Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

Mark: Hi, Mom.
Jill: When I was at the mall, I picked up some shirts for you. See if you like them.
Mark: I don't like them.
Jill: You haven't even looked at them. Hate it. Hate it. [picks up a bra] Really hate it.
Tim: I don't care what anybody says, you're still my son.

Tim: Hi, honey.
Jill: What is that smile about?
Tim: Mm-mm. [kisses Jill]
Jill: Are you planning something sexy for us tonight, or have you been welding?
Tim: I've been welding.

Jill: Hi, Randy. You're a little late.
Randy: Yeah, I got kept after school for detention.
Tim, Jill & Brad: You?

Tim: All right, science class.
Jill: Oh, I remember this smell. Formaldehyde and frog guts.
Tim: [grunts] I love frog guts. How about you? [moves skeleton] Yeah, yeah. Would you look at the size of the liver on this guy? I hope he had a designated driver.

Mr. Marino: After you.
Tim: No, please.
[Tim walks to the back of the classroom and puts the liver back in the model human. As he walks away, all the organs fall out. Jill and Mr. Marino come to the back door.]
Tim: Just asked him one question and he spilled his guts.

Randy: I can't believe it. Mom and Dad are still at that teacher's conference. I'm dead.
Brad: As someone who's been through this many times, can I give you a little advice?
Randy: Shoot.
Brad: All right. As soon as Mom and Dad walk through that door, you gotta say, "I'm sorry." You know, like you really mean it.
Randy: All right, how's this? I'm sorry.
Brad: Nope, not buying it.
Jill: Hi, Randy. Hi, Brad.
Tim: Hey, guys.
Randy: I'm sorry.
Jill: Not buying it.

Jill: Randy, these kids are gonna be a lot bigger than you are.
Randy: Mom, the kids are always bigger than me.
Tim: You gotta love this guy's spirit. Always a positive thinker. [hugs Randy]
Randy: Ow. What's in your pocket?
Tim: Oh. Pancreas.
Randy: Actually that's a colon.