Tim: Well... Stacey needs some closure. You gotta end this relationship.
Al: What relationship? It's not like we've been dating for two years. I was with her for a couple of hours.
Tim: Al, a couple of hours with you is like a couple of years to most people.

Tim: OK, let's eat. I'm having those chili fries.
Jill: Not unless you wanna sleep downstairs.

Jill: This is so cool. Who would have thought that you would visit your ex-boyfriend, meet his friend and actually really like him?
Stacey: He's so attractive. I hope I hear from him.
Jill: Oh, I think he's gonna call you. Don't you think so, Tim?
Tim: He'll call.
Jill: I could tell that he really liked you when he was at the house. Don't you think so, Tim?
Tim: He had feelings.

Al: I'm sorry, I should never have put Tim in this awkward position.
Tim: It's OK, Al.
Al: No, no. It was wrong and I feel bad. I mean, if I didn't want to go out with you, I should have been man enough to tell you, and not have Tim tell you that.
Tim: Guess I can have those chili fries now, huh?

Stacey: Oh, this is kinda awkward.
Jill: Oh, please, please, we're all adults. Let's just... Let's just all sit down and have lunch. You know, Al, you, me, and the big fat liar.

Jill: You are pathetic! Pathetic, pathetic, pathetic.
Tim: What am I?
Jill: Pathetic! None of this would have happened if you'd called her 20 years ago, the way you should have.
Tim: Well, if I'd called Stacey 20 years ago, I might be married to her. And you'd be sitting there with Al.
Jill: So, there's a downside here?
Tim: Yeah.
Jill: Yeah?
Tim: You wouldn't get any more of this. [nibbles on Jill's ear]
Jill: You do this pretty well for a big, fat, lying weasel.