Al: And this works with more than just footballs. You can duplicate any of your favorite colors.
Tim: That's right. Antifreeze Green, Roadkill Gray... Oh. Smash-Your-Thumb- With-A-Hammer Purple. But today, we develop a color just for Tool Time - the color Al.
Al: Excuse me, Tim?
Tim: I'm gonna make a color out of you. You'll be bigger than Fuchsia.
Al: This is absolutely ridiculous.
Tim: No, let's show 'em what the machine can do. Play along, Al.
Al: That's not what the machine...
Tim: Al, just put your finger in there. There you go. OK. One part Pasty White, two parts Flannel. OK.
Al: I don't wanna be a color.
Tim: Well, neither did Red, and look how well things turned out for him. Computer's in. All right. Oh, yeah. Now we got a bucket of Al, and I'm ready to paint with Big Al here. OK. Of course, Al is economical in the gallon size here. Al goes on smooth, just like that.
[As Tim "paints" on the wall, a photo of Al is revealed]
Tim: The Al paint can be cleaned up with soap and water. Unlike the real Al, which needs turpentine and a wire brush. For larger jobs - industrial buildings and warehouses - we suggest a roller and a couple of gallons of Al's mom.

Jill: Tim, when you talk, I listen.
Tim: Really?
Jill: Yeah!
Tim: Uh-huh. What kind of carburetors are on the hot rod?
Jill: Holley double pumpers.
Tim: Holley... What?
Jill: Holley double pumpers.
Tim: Well, I've told you about the engine. What kind of engine do I have in the hot rod, huh? Huh?
Jill: 350 small block, bored 30 over with a 400 crank.
Tim: Tires?
Jill: 185/60 R-14s.
Tim: Aha! They're 195s! And you say you listen to me. [looks at the car] Is it written on here somewhere?

Wilson: Hi-ho, neighbor.
Jill: Hidey-ho, Wilson.
Wilson: Jill! What a pleasant surprise.
Jill: You're out late.
Wilson: Mm-hmm. Just doing a little stargazing. You know, they say if you had a strong enough telescope, you could look back in time to very early man before his brain was fully developed.
Jill: Come over to our house. You can see the same thing without a telescope.
Wilson: Trouble in the Taylor galaxy?
Jill: Yeah. It's the Big Dip.

Wilson: Well, Jill, I can understand your frustration. You know, it's been said that men marry women hoping they won't change. Women marry men hoping they will.
Jill: Are you saying there's no hope?
Wilson: No, not necessarily. In the time I've known Tim, I've seen him progress and evolve significantly.
Jill: We're talking about Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor?
Wilson: Yes, indeed. As a matter of fact, when he first moved in, I had to remind him when your birthday was. Now I just have to remind him to get a gift.
Jill: Well, I guess that's some improvement. His table manners are better. It's been a while since I've seen him shoot peas out his nose.
Wilson: Well, there you go.
Jill: It's just... he's evolving so slowly.
Wilson: Well, Jill, I'm reminded of an old Chinese proverb. "Be not afraid of growing slowly. Be afraid only of standing still." I'm sure that Tim will eventually become the man you want him to be.
Jill: Yeah, but with my luck, he'll be 101, and he'll listen to everything I say, but he won't know who I am.

Marie: Tim, quit kidding. I wanna show Jill the surprise we got her.
Tim: No, you don't.
Jill: What surprise?
Marie: The committee did something special for you, but we can't take all the credit. Remember, Tim picked out the picture.
Jill: Oh, honey. You gave me a surprise. That's so nice.
Tim: Gosh, darn it. Why don't we all see the surprise together?
Jill: [gasps] You blew up my driver's license picture?!
Tim: That's the surprise. I gotta go fix my face.

Tim: Al, it's just miniature golf.
Brad: Dad, he brought his own clubs. Even a 7-iron.
Mark: He made a little girl cry.
Al: Well, she walked right in front of the clown's mouth! Well, something had to be said.
Randy: The manager kicked us out. Al is now banned for life from the Putt Putt Panorama.
Al: Well, big deal! You know, as soon as that manager graduates from high school, I'll be back.
Tim: While you're waitin', Al, why don't you look into Miniature Golfers Anonymous?

Al: No, we're not gonna go see a movie tonight. I thought we'd do something a little more interactive. How does... miniature golf at the Putt Putt Panorama sound?
Randy: Hey, cool! They have an awesome video arcade.
Al: Oh, no, no, no! You don't go to Putt Putt to play video games. You go there for one thing and one thing only - miniature golf. All right! Let's go!
Brad: I don't know. I'd rather see a movie.
Mark: Yeah. I wanna see The Nuttiest Raccoon.
Randy: The Nuttiest Raccoon?
Al: Trust me, Mark, it's a big disappointment. He was not that nutty.

Joe: So, is Marie over here?
Tim: She and Jill are in there looking at dresses for that library fund-raiser thing. Which is why I am out in the garage.
Joe: Women and clothes! Why do they make such a big deal out of what they wear?
Tim: It's important. In my case, I'm thinking about a three-piece pin-striped blue suit with tasseled loafers. But I'll almost certain I'm gonna go with the off-the-shoulder taffeta gown with the pumps.
Joe: Can't wear that. That's what I'm wearing.
Tim: I'll go with the sling-backs.
Joe: That's a good look for you.

Marie: Tim, how sensational does Jill look in this dress?
Joe: Wow!
Tim: She looks good. I've always liked her in that dress.
Jill: Tim, this is brand-new. You've never seen it before.
Tim: On you. I've seen it. Al's got that dress.

Marie: Tim, tell her to forget about the money and buy the dress, please.
Tim: Honey, why don't you buy the dress. You never do anything nice for yourself. You know how you are.
Jill: What do you mean? How am I?
Tim: You're... tight, thrifty, cheap, cheap-o.
Jill: I am not cheap! I'm... frugal.
Tim: Frugal? You save pickle juice.
Jill: I re-use it in the tuna fish.
Tim: If you like the dress, buy it. We'll save money some other way. We won't feed the kids for a couple of months.