Al Quote #120
Al: No, we're not gonna go see a movie tonight. I thought we'd do something a little more interactive. How does... miniature golf at the Putt Putt Panorama sound?
Randy: Hey, cool! They have an awesome video arcade.
Al: Oh, no, no, no! You don't go to Putt Putt to play video games. You go there for one thing and one thing only - miniature golf. All right! Let's go!
Brad: I don't know. I'd rather see a movie.
Mark: Yeah. I wanna see The Nuttiest Raccoon.
Randy: The Nuttiest Raccoon?
Al: Trust me, Mark, it's a big disappointment. He was not that nutty.
Quote from Jill
Jill: Tim, when you talk, I listen.
Tim: Uh-huh. What kind of carburetors are on the hot rod?
Jill: Holley double pumpers.
Tim: Holley... What?
Jill: Holley double pumpers.
Tim: Well, I've told you about the engine. What kind of engine do I have in the hot rod, huh? Huh?
Jill: 350 small block, bored 30 over with a 400 crank.
Jill: 185/60 R-14s.
Tim: Aha! They're 195s! And you say you listen to me. [looks at the car] Is it written on here somewhere?
Quote from Tim
Al: And this works with more than just footballs. You can duplicate any of your favorite colors.
Tim: That's right. Antifreeze Green, Roadkill Gray... Oh. Smash-Your-Thumb- With-A-Hammer Purple. But today, we develop a color just for Tool Time - the color Al.
Al: Excuse me, Tim?
Tim: I'm gonna make a color out of you. You'll be bigger than Fuchsia.
Al: This is absolutely ridiculous.
Tim: No, let's show 'em what the machine can do. Play along, Al.
Al: That's not what the machine...
Tim: Al, just put your finger in there. There you go. OK. One part Pasty White, two parts Flannel. OK.
Al: I don't wanna be a color.
Tim: Well, neither did Red, and look how well things turned out for him. Computer's in. All right. Oh, yeah. Now we got a bucket of Al, and I'm ready to paint with Big Al here. OK. Of course, Al is economical in the gallon size here. Al goes on smooth, just like that.
[As Tim "paints" on the wall, a photo of Al is revealed]
Tim: The Al paint can be cleaned up with soap and water. Unlike the real Al, which needs turpentine and a wire brush. For larger jobs - industrial buildings and warehouses - we suggest a roller and a couple of gallons of Al's mom.
Quote from Dead Weight
Al: I was just thinking about my mother, all the great times we used to have. When I was a kid, she used to take us to the park. We'd fly kites, she'd push us on the swing. We'd spend hours on the teeter-totter.
Tim: I used to love the teeter-totter. Up and down. Up and down.
Tim: Well, they play it differently in different parts of the country.
Quote from This Joke's for You
Al: What, your little bell will send 5,000 volts coursing through my body? [chuckles] While he stands back and yells, "Remember the Al-amo!"
Tim: I just want you to press the bell.
Al: I know... It's just a setup, isn't it? It's one big setup.
Tim: It is not a setup!
Al: Soon you'll start in with the uncalled-for slams against my mother...
Al: How she always shops in the husky section. How she wiped out the all-you-can-eat salad bar.
Tim: Al, I simply came out here to put this thing together.
Al: Well, go ahead. Just say it. My mother is a big fat cow!
Tim: Goodness gracious, Al. We'll be right back after these messages from Binford Tools.