TV Quotes

Wilson: Hi-ho, neighbor.
Jill: Hidey-ho, Wilson.
Wilson: Jill! What a pleasant surprise.
Jill: You're out late.
Wilson: Mm-hmm. Just doing a little stargazing. You know, they say if you had a strong enough telescope, you could look back in time to very early man before his brain was fully developed.
Jill: Come over to our house. You can see the same thing without a telescope.
Wilson: Trouble in the Taylor galaxy?
Jill: Yeah. It's the Big Dip.

Al: And this works with more than just footballs. You can duplicate any of your favorite colors.
Tim: That's right. Antifreeze Green, Roadkill Gray... Oh. Smash-Your-Thumb- With-A-Hammer Purple. But today, we develop a color just for Tool Time - the color Al.
Al: Excuse me, Tim?
Tim: I'm gonna make a color out of you. You'll be bigger than Fuchsia.
Al: This is absolutely ridiculous.
Tim: No, let's show 'em what the machine can do. Play along, Al.
Al: That's not what the machine...
Tim: Al, just put your finger in there. There you go. OK. One part Pasty White, two parts Flannel. OK.
Al: I don't wanna be a color.
Tim: Well, neither did Red, and look how well things turned out for him. Computer's in. All right. Oh, yeah. Now we got a bucket of Al, and I'm ready to paint with Big Al here. OK. Of course, Al is economical in the gallon size here. Al goes on smooth, just like that.
[As Tim "paints" on the wall, a photo of Al is revealed]
Tim: The Al paint can be cleaned up with soap and water. Unlike the real Al, which needs turpentine and a wire brush. For larger jobs - industrial buildings and warehouses - we suggest a roller and a couple of gallons of Al's mom.

Tim: Well, let me ask you a question. Have you ever wished that you'd married somebody as smart as you?
Jill: You think I'm smarter than you?
Tim: Yeah.
Jill: Well, that just shows how smart you are.
Tim: You didn't answer the question.
Jill: Do I ever wish that I married somebody else? Why would I wanna marry anybody else? You're funny, you're sexy, creative, you take chances, and you're definitely not afraid to be wrong. I'm perfectly happy being married to a man who thinks that PBS is something that women get once a month.
Tim: What I said was, "Once a month is enough for PBS." And way too much for the other thing.

Jill: Yeah, well this is only about ten percent of my problems. The other 90 percent... I'm married, too. You see, my husband, he's going through this sort of midlife crisis thing, you know, "Who am I? Where am I? Should I grow a beard? Should I buy a hunting lodge?" And then... And then... And then today, Brad spilled a soda on my paper, Mark's asking for skulls, and before I knew it, I was asking my husband to start construction on an office.
Dr. Breen: What's- What's wrong with your husband building you an office?
Jill: I'm married to Tim Taylor.
Dr. Breen: Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor?
Jill: Yeah, and maybe you'd better switch to a tape recorder here.
Dr. Breen: I hope I have enough batteries.