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Alarmed by Burglars

‘Alarmed by Burglars’

Season 5, Episode 25 -  Aired May 14, 1996

After Wilson's house is robbed, Jill encourages Tim to install a state-of-the-art alarm system.

Quote from Al

Tim: Welcome back to Tool Time on location.
Al: Last week we showed you how to install a state-of-the-art security system.
Tim: Today we're going to show you how to install a more modest system.
Al: And for people whose neighbors signed a huge petition.


Quote from Tim

Al: Now we have only one security camera situated over the front door.
Tim: There you go. See that picture? Very nice. That's my son Brad with a good friend of his, Jason. Jason just bought his first circular saw.
[on camera:]
Jason: What do you mean you want your money back?
Brad: I decided not to cheat on the test.
Jason: Why not?
Brad: Well, first of all it's wrong. And second of all, if my parents caught me, they'd kill me.
Jason: They'd never catch on. Especially your dad. He still thinks I bought a saw and that I tape Tool Time. I mean...
Tim: [opens door] [laughs] Well, you don't have to tape Tool Time now, Jason, because you're on it live. And I'll be sending this tape to your folks.
Jason: Did I mention I'm an orphan, sir?

Quote from Tim

Tim: Wilson, what happened?
Wilson: Well, Tim, I'm afraid I had a break-in.
Tim: Are you all right?
Wilson: Yeah, I'm a little shook up. Luckily I wasn't here when it happened. Tim, this is Officer Guidry. Officer Guidry, this is my neighbor, Tim Taylor.
Tim: How are you doing?
Officer Guidry: Oh, yeah. I've seen your show.
Tim: It's always nice to meet a fan.
Officer Guidry: Who said I was a fan?

Quote from Tim

Tim: Hey, Jase. How's that new saw?
Jason: Saw? Oh, just fine. Very... sharp.
Tim: I'm going to have to ask you guys to get out of the room because we're doing a Tool Time in here, all right?
Jason: Wow. You're doing an actual Tool Time right here in the house?
Tim: I bet you'd like to watch, wouldn't you?
Jason: Well, I wish I could. But finals are starting Monday. And that's always a very hectic time for me.
Tim: Keep your nose to the grindstone, son.
Jason: I will. And if I ever buy a grindstone, I assure you it'll be a Binford.

Quote from Tim

Tim: Honey, we're all set.
Jill: Great. Show me how it works.
Tim: Easy as pie. Now, this is the downstairs panel. You can operate the entire system from this panel alone on simple 21 buttons, okay?
Jill: 21 buttons.
Tim: That's right. 21 buttons, 18 zones.
Jill: 21 buttons, 18 zones.
Tim: That's right. It's very simple. Now, if you want to leave the house and set the whole system in gear, you press "arm-command" "36824-star-7." OK? All right. All right now, if you're in the house during the day and you do not want the motion sensors on, which is a great idea - "arm-command-A3423423." Simple, yeah? "Star-bypass-pound-6." Are you with me so far?
Jill: I lost you after you said, "This is the downstairs panel."

Quote from Tim

Tim: Once you use it, you'll find this very easy to use.
Jill: OK. What if the motion sensors are on, but I want to go downstairs to get something to eat?
Tim: Um... Well, you can't.
Jill: I can't? What am I supposed to do?
Tim: What are you supposed to do? [checks the manual] Oh. Keep a ham by the bed. [laughs]

Quote from Wilson

Jill: Well, this week would qualify as a complete disaster. I just wish we could scale this thing back. But I can't ask Tim to do that after he's put all this effort into it.
Wilson: Well, why don't you present him with a petition signed by all his neighbors who are sleep-deprived?
Jill: Wilson, you know nobody in this neighborhood ever signs anything.
Wilson: Well, Jill, there's always a first time. [unfurls a petition]
Tim: [comes outside] All right, all right. I think I've got the inside sensors figured out. Hey, Wilson.
Wilson: Hey.
Tim: What do you got there?
Wilson: This is a petition from all the neighbors angry about your security system.
Tim: Joe Paduro? That guy lives, like, four blocks away.
Wilson: Well, I think he's still angry about being hit by the spaghetti.

Quote from Tim

Tim: Hey, Brad. Some of that spaghetti got all the way across the street into Doc Johnson's Buick.
Jason: Hi, Mr. Taylor.
Tim: Hello, Jason. Brad, I thought we talked about Jason coming over while you're doing your homework.
Jason: I didn't come to see Brad. Came to see you!
Tim: [chuckles] Is that a fact, Jason?
Jason: Yeah. I just wanted to ask your advice on power tools. I'm thinking of buying my first one.
Tim: Really? What kind are you gonna buy, Jason?
Jason: I was thinking of buying a seven-and-a-quarter-inch circular saw.
Tim: Really?
Jason: Yeah. Something with a combination blade.
Tim: All right! That's good for crosscutting and rip-cutting. But you want to get yourself a fine-tooth finish blade for precise cuts.
Jason: Stainless steel?
Tim: I'd go with the carbide tip.
Jason: Thank you. Well, I gotta get home and watch today's Tool Time. I tape 'em all.
Tim: Don't be such a stranger around here, Jason. Boy, oh, boy. I love that kid.

Quote from Tim

Al: Well, you've just watched us install one of the most advanced security systems available.
Tim: Now, our next step is to pick a secret password and provide that to your security company.
Al: You want to pick a word that's easy to remember, perhaps has a special meaning for you, like the name of a pet or a loved one.
Tim: For instance, I picked "saber saw."
Al: Perhaps now you'd like to choose a word that our viewing audience hasn't heard.
Tim: Perhaps. And for all you criminals out there, it might not be another tool. It might be a car.

Quote from Brad

Brad: Hey, Jason, what's up? You know my parents don't like you coming here when I'm studying.
Jason: Just thought you'd like to know - big party at Lisa Beldon's on Saturday night.
Brad: Oh, man, I can't go. I have to study for history finals all weekend.
Jason: Not necessarily. You're talking to someone that can get you a preview copy of that test.
Brad: Really?
Jason: It's my final exam clearance sale. Everything must go. The deals are insane.
Brad: What if my parents find out?
Jason: The parents never find out. I deliver late at night and slip it under the door.

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