Jill: For the millionth time, you are not going to Florida on spring break.
Brad: But, Mom, will you hear me out?
Jill: [groans] All right.
Brad: A lot of the parents shared your concerns, all right? Now we have five chaperones going. The boys are staying in one hotel and the girls are staying in another. We're gonna be supervised 24 hours a day. And I promise, we can't go anywhere alone.
Mark: So, why do you want to go?
Brad: I don't think I do anymore.

Tim: Hey, guys. Got the hot rod outside. Want to go for a ride? We'll scare some student drivers, huh?
Al: No, that's okay. Go ahead.
Tim: No! Student drivers! Get up behind them. [imitates horn] What's the matter?
Al: Tell him, Harry.
Harry: ... I can't. I mean, look at that face. Poor guy's got no clue.
Tim: I've never had a clue. Come on, guys. What's going on?
Benny: Harry's selling the hardware store. [Tim goes limp]
Marty: Oh, quick! Get a chair!

Tim: Wait, wait, wait. You own 20% of the hardware store. Why don't you just buy the rest of it?
Al: Oh, I wish. But I don't have that kind of money. Unless you want to give me a raise.
Tim: I don't think so.

Tim: Guess what? Harry is selling the hardware store.
Jill: Ooh. We're gonna save a lot of money.
Mark: Hey, now I can actually go to college. [Jill laughs]

Jill: Oh, come on! Harry's always threatening to sell the store.
Tim: This time it's for real. Dolores's asthma is really acting up and so they're gonna move to Tucson. It's in Arizona.

Jill: Come on, Tim. There's gotta be another buyer out there. You're a great salesman. You should be able to find someone.
Tim: When we were selling tools, we used to have these big parties to soften up potential buyers.
Jill: Did it work?
Tim: You bet! Wild time. A lot of brown liquor, sexy women. [whooping] I just hated those times.

Harry: Tim, this is great!
Al: Unbelievable! I'm so excited. All these people are interested in buying the hardware store!
Tim: [babbling] They all think they're here for a free meal, all right? Hey, Rock, what are you drinking?
Rock: What am I not drinking?
Sparky: Hey, Tim. Thank you. This is really nice. Usually, when people invite me over to their house, it's because they want to sell me something.
Tim: [laughs] Oh, the weasels. Here. Let me top that off for you.

Tim: I want to say how happy I am that you all joined us here tonight. We are here to celebrate.
Sparky: Celebrate what, Tim?
Tim: America!
Sparky: America, yeah.
Rock: Hey, if you're organizing a secret militia, Timmy, count me in.

Tim: And now we'll all have to buy our hardware at one of those big faceless chains instead of a friendly place like Harry's.
Rock: I got you. We're calling our unit "Harry's." I know where we can get guns. [Tim takes Rock's drink away from him]

Al: Now, come on, everybody. Don't you... We don't want to lose our hardware store now, do we?
All: No!
Tim: That's right. We're not just gonna stand here and let this happen, are we?
All: No!
Al: No, we're not! So, who's gonna step up and buy this Harry's Hardware?
Tim: Yeah! [silence] Anybody?