Mr. Stein #1: Why won't you hire a lawyer?
Luke: Why? Because lawyers waste time and money. They're needless middlemen who slither into people's lives when they're at their most vulnerable so they can clamp on and suck like leeches until everyone but them is distraught and penniless.

Lorelai: Then I'm stuck here.
Luke: Fine, because I need my truck back.
Lorelai: Fine, but that leaves you with the mattress.
Luke: I'm not taking the mattress.
Lorelai: Then let me take the truck.
Luke: But that means you take the mattress.
Lorelai: I can't take the mattress.
Luke: Then you can't have the truck.
Lorelai: But that sticks you with the mattress.
Luke: [sighs] If you take the truck, it comes with the mattress.
Lorelai: I can't take the mattress.
Luke: Then you can't have the truck.
Lorelai: And that sticks you with the mattress.
Luke: We've been here before.
Lorelai: I recognize that tree.

Rory: Paris?
Tana: Yeah, that's it.
Paris: How shocked are you?
Rory: Do you have a resuscitator?
Paris: I'm going to Yale.
Rory: You're going to Yale.
Paris: And we're suitemates.
Rory: Of all the gin joints.

Paris: Is that my room?
Rory: If your initials are P.G., it is.
Paris: Terrence, I got my southern exposure.
Terrence: I'm a happy camper.
Rory: So, weird, weird coincidence that we're roommates like this, huh?
Paris: Not really. I told Terrence all about our history and he felt very strongly that our life journey was not complete, so my dad made a call.

Paris: I was just setting up my craft corner. Some mosaic tiles, some colored beads. Still kind of kids' stuff, but Terrence showed me how working with my hands could help with my nerves.
Terrence: Oh, where are we gonna put the couch?
Paris: [shouts] Why don't you just-
Terrence: Paris.
Paris: Come on, Terrence.
Terrence: Two steps forward, three steps back.
Paris: But she was baiting me.
Terrence: Fish can choose not to bite.
Paris: [calmly] We'll figure it out.

Lorelai: It's from Rory. It says "Come back" with about a dozen exclamation points. Move, move.
Luke: What are you doing?
Lorelai: I gotta borrow your truck.
Luke: No way.
Lorelai: I gotta go back.
Luke: Then take your own car. Remember that concept?
Lorelai: No, it'll take too long to walk back to get it. Plus, I'm out of gas. Plus, it's been making weird noises and probably can't take a long trip.

Rory: Four hours at Yale and I'm already homesick.
Lorelai: Well, that's okay.
Rory: All I could think of the minute you left was "I want my mommy." I haven't thought that since I was two.
Lorelai: That's natural.
Rory: I'm eighteen. I can sign contracts, I can vote, I can fight for my country. I mean, I'm an adult. Adults don't want their mommies.
Lorelai: Yes, they do, honey. I'm not a good example, but...

Rory: Everything's so foreign. I have to share a bathroom. I've never shared a bathroom with anyone but you. So I'm gonna be running into people in the bathroom, we're gonna have to make small talk. I don't know any bathroom small talk.
Lorelai: "Gee, your hair smells terrific"?
Rory: You didn't socialize me properly. You made me a mama's girl. Why don't I hate you? Why don't I want to be away from you? It's going to be very hard to be Christiane Amanpour broadcasting live from a foxhole in Tehran with my mommy. I guess you're just gonna have to learn how to operate a camera, 'cause I'll need you there with me.
Lorelai: I would do that.
Rory: And how did I end up at Yale? I mean, I let Grandma and Grandpa manipulate me right out of Harvard and into Yale. That's how strong-willed I am. I know nothing about Yale.
Lorelai: Not so. You've memorized its entire history.
Rory: How can you be so fine with this? You left here without a care in the world.
Lorelai: That's not true.
Rory: You couldn't wait for me to get out of the house. What were you doing when I paged you, turning my room into a sewing room? I should hate you, not miss you. Do something to make me hate you.
Lorelai: Um... Go Hitler!

Rory: Check this out.
Lorelai: Your student ID?
Rory: I'm blinking and my head's in a funny place.
Lorelai: No, it's not.
Rory: I look like Keith Richards at Altamont. And check out the name.
Lorelai: Ronny Gilmore. Oops.
Rory: Yeah, oops. I don't even exist. And how did they get Ronny? That's not even remotely close to being short for any girl's name in the history of the entire planet.
Lorelai: Well, Veronica, actually sorry.
Rory: Great, now I have you apologizing to me after I made you come back all this way just 'cause I'm a big fat stinkin' mama's girl.

Lorelai: You guys, come on. I know it's cheesy but just a couple bars... "You Can't Hurry Love"? Someone's gotta do it, it doesn't have to be on key.