Lorelai Quote #2371
Lorelai: Do you mind if I turn on the music, Mom?
Emily: That's fine.
Lorelai: Whatcha in the mood for? "Jailhouse Rock"? "Folsom Prison Blues"?
Emily: You're very funny, Lorelai.
Lorelai: No, no, no. I know, I know. "Working on the Chain Gang."
Emily: Yes, it's all quite amusing, isn't it? My being arrested, held behind bars, manhandled, and patted down? Hardee-har.
Lorelai: Aw. I just have one question for you, Mom. Why on earth did you call me? I mean, thank you very much from the bottom of my heart for that incredible gift. You don't need to get me anything for the next five Christmases.
Lorelai: But why did you call me, not Dad?
Emily: It was his first night teaching at Yale. He was having dinner with the dean. I'm not about to call him so he can excuse himself to come bail his wife out of jail. I can't begin to tell you how incompetent our police department is. That officer Peters who pulled me over. He's going to be receiving a big, fat subpoena, and I'm not stopping there. Wait. What is this? What's this car? What's going on here? Are you two on a date?
Lorelai: No way. You are not changing the subject. We're not talking about anything else except you in the clink. Now, come on. Spill. What was it like on the inside, huh? Did you try to tunnel your way out with a spoon, you know? Did they try to make you join a gang? And, Mom, now that you're on the outside and they're still on the inside, are they gonna try to use you as some kind of prison mule? There's just so much I need to know!
Quote from Emily
Police Officer: You were on a cellphone, ma'am.
Emily: I don't see how that's your concern. Do my bills go to your office?
Police Officer: It is illegal in Connecticut to talk on a cellphone while operating a vehicle.
Emily: Well, that is absurd. I can't talk on my own phone in my own car?
Police Officer: License and registration, ma'am.
Emily: If I can manage to drink a cup of hot coffee and drive, I can talk on a cellphone. Or is coffee illegal, too? Can I listen to the radio? Can I open the glove compartment? Perhaps you should outlaw scratching your nose. That would certainly cut down on accidents.
Police Officer: Ma'am, have you been drinking?
Emily: What? No! This is outrageous. You know, right now, someone is robbing a Kwik-e-mart, and you're standing there harassing me.
Police Officer: I'm going to need you to blow into this breathalyzer for me.
Emily: Young man, I don't know where that's been, but I can say with absolute certainty it won't be going anywhere near my mouth.
Quote from Lorelai
Lorelai: Let me bottom-line it for you. Snakes are gross. Snakes are scary and slithery, and do you know where snakes do not belong?
Christopher: On a plane?
Lorelai: They do not belong on a plane.
Christopher: It's not an ideal situation.
Lorelai: They do not belong anywhere except in cages stuck in safes buried deep, deep underground. I hate snakes!
Christopher: So I'm gathering.
Lorelai: With their gross, no-legged bodies, and their scaly, scaly skin, and their wiggling, and their hissing.
Christopher: Okay, Lor. I respect your very valid feelings about snakes.
Lorelai: Thank you.
Christopher: But I have to say we were fairly warned.
Lorelai: No! No! A movie should not just be its title. Driving Miss Daisy didn't all take place in the car, Dances with Wolves wasn't one long wolf dance. But this was nothing but snakes, snakes, relentless snakes, snakes on a plane. Snakes, snakes, snakes on a plane!
Quote from Afterboom
Lorelai: Okay. Wait. Just wait. We can still leave.
Lorelai: Rory, right now is the point in the horror movie where the entire audience is yelling, "Don't go in there."
Quote from Let the Games Begin
Emily: What on earth does Frank Lloyd Wright have to do with my salad?
Richard: And your walnuts.
Lorelai: Mrs. Wright apparently had this major problem with her help. She was very rough on them and they totally hated her. So this guy who had worked for her forever, he had finally had enough. I believe the incident was over walnuts, wasn't it, honey?
Rory: The exact cause has not been proven.
Lorelai: Anyhow, Mrs. Wright invites this whole posse of people over for dinner and they're all sitting around eating, and Mr. Disgruntled Servant Guy goes outside and locks all the doors and windows and douses the whole house in gasoline and sets the place on fire.
Emily: My goodness.
Lorelai: So the house is on fire, and people are freaking out, so they run to the doors but the doors are locked, so a few of them try to get out through the windows, but Mr. Angry-Puss is standing outside with an ax hacking them to death and so they all died.
Emily: Why on earth would you tell me that story?
Lorelai: All I'm saying is, sometimes eating a walnut is preferable to getting hacked to death or set on fire during dinner.
Emily: One of these days I'm going to make you eat in your room.