Monica: Anyway, it just doesn't seem worth it to make a whole turkey for just three people. Okay, it's a lot of work.
Joey: But you gotta have turkey on Thanksgiving. I mean, Thanksgiving with no turkey is like Fourth of July with no apple pie. Or Friday with no two pizzas.
Monica: Fine, if it means that much to you. But there's gonna be a ton left over.
Joey: No, there won't. I promise I will finish that turkey.
Monica: All right. You're telling me you can eat almost an entire turkey in one sitting?
Joey: That's right. Because I'm a Tribbiani. This is what we do. I mean, we may not be great thinkers or world leaders. We don't read a lot or run very fast. But damn it, we can eat!

Rachel: Will, I just want to say, I'm real sorry for whatever I did to you in high school.
Will: Oh, it wasn't just me. We had a club.
Rachel: You had a club?
Will: That's right. The "I Hate Rachel Green Club".
Rachel: Oh, my God. So you all just joined together to hate me? Who else was in this club?
Will: Me and Ross.
Ross: No need to point. She knows who Ross is.

Joey: That's it? Even if nobody helps me, I can eat that, no problem. At least give me a challenge.
Monica: This is Chandler's chicken. This is the turkey.
Joey: Oh. How big is that?
Monica: About 19 pounds.
Joey: It's like me when I was born.

Rachel: Oh, there's a picture of her in the yearbook, actually.
Phoebe: Wow.
Ross: She didn't photograph well.
Chandler: Well, she probably wasn't familiar with the process, having spent most of her life sitting for oil paintings.

Joey: You are my Everest.
Monica: Joey, you don't have to finish that.
Joey: Oh, yes, I do. Otherwise, what's next? Today I'm just a guy who can't finish a turkey, but tomorrow I'm the guy who eats half a Power Bar, wrap up the rest and puts it in the fridge? No. I just gotta change my pants. What was I thinking? Jeans have no give.

Ross: Look, I'm not calling anybody. It was like a million years ago.
Rachel: I don't care how long ago it was. You told people that I was half and half. You know what, I just want to point out I never did anything to hurt you in high school.
Monica: That's not totally true.
Rachel: What?
Ross: What?
Monica: Well, you did start that rumor about Ross making out with Mrs. Altmann, our 50-year-old librarian.
Ross: How did you know that?!
Monica: It's true?
Ross: No.

Chandler: I'm sorry. When you were in high school you made out with a 50-year-old woman?
Ross: Hey, she didn't look 50.
Chandler: Did she look 16?

Phoebe: So how did this happen? Did she lure you to an early-bird dinner?
Ross: I was working late in the library one afternoon. It was just the two of us. She needed some help with her word jumble. And one thing led to another. If you must know, Anita was very gentle and tender. May she rest in peace.
Monica: Didn't she walk with a cane?
Ross: Only when it was damp!

Joey: All right, where's that turkey?
Phoebe: Joey, those are my maternity pants.
Joey: No, no. These are my Thanksgiving pants!

Joey: Well, that's it. I'm done. Whew. Here come the meat sweats.
Monica: Well, Joey, we're all very proud of you.
Chandler: Yes, I believe we can expect a call from the president any moment now.
Phoebe: Is there anything we can do for you?
Joey: No. Just nobody press on my stomach.
Rachel: You can keep those pants, by the way.
Joey: Ooh, what you got there? What is that, pie?
Monica: Yeah. You want some?
Joey: Yeah, just cut me a little sliver. Little bigger. Little bigger. What are you afraid you're going to run out? Cut me a real piece!