Martin: Well, guess who's allergic to Eddie?
Frasier: Oh, Lord.
Martin: She wants a glass of water to take her pill with. Boy, do you know what I can't stand? All that "sweetie, dearie, darling" stuff. I've never met anyone so phony! [Mel enters] Hello, dear, here's your water.

Niles: Come on, seriously. I want you to be totally honest. [Daphne enters on the phone] Tell me, what do you think of Mel?
Daphne: Oh, I don't like her at all. She's bossy and fussy and mean. She's all wrong for you. [on the phone] Yes, I need a large pepperoni pizza, and some cheese bread.

Niles: Well, that was startling.
Frasier: Yes, well, don't take that seriously, Niles. [Roz enters from the balcony] You know how women sometimes just form irrational dislikes for one another.
Roz: Oh. That's great, I leave the room for one second and you rat me out.
Frasier: No, Roz...
Roz: No, that's okay. I don't have anything to hide and I'm not irrational. She's pushy, demanding and a gigantic pain in the ass. I'd dump her like radioactive waste.
Niles: Well, so that's two of you in the Anti-Mel camp.
Roz: [to Frasier] Oh, did you tell him what you thought of Mel, too?
Frasier: No, Daphne did.
Roz: Oops.

Frasier: Oh, well, I have a theory.
Martin: Jeez.
Frasier: No, no, hear me out. I think by giving you my approval to sleep with Clare I've made it less exciting for you. There was a certain illicitness to the relationship that gave it a kind of piquancy.
Martin: Frasier, it's Sunday, take the day off.
Daphne: Wait, Mr. Crane. You slept with Mrs. Wojadubakowski?
Martin: Yes, I did. Isn't that adorable?
Daphne: No, it's disgusting, you dirty old man! Sleeping with that poor widow before her husband's even cold in the ground.
Martin: You think that was wrong?
Daphne: You're damn right I do. You ought to be ashamed.
Martin: See, I told you, Frasier.

Daphne: We live in a civilized society and there are certain rules we have to live by. We all have impulses we'd like to explore, but we don't.
Frasier: Daphne?
Daphne: Well, we can't just go chasing anyone you fancy just because you're suddenly attracted to them. There are certain things you don't do, no matter how tempted you are.

Mel: Well, Frasier, I'm afraid I have some bad news. I just got beeped by my service and I have to go.
Frasier: Oh gosh, I'm so sorry.
Mel: Thank you for brunch though. Thanks for inviting me. It's such a civilized way to spend an afternoon.
Daphne: [singing] "With her head tucked underneath her arm, she walks the bloody tower!" You know who that song's about, don't you?
Mel: Bloody Mary?
Daphne: Oh, don't mind if I do.

Corkmaster: All right, gentlemen, you have correctly identified the first three wines. Let's see if number four can break the tie. Niles?
Niles: It was ripe, round and thoroughly seductive. I said Australian Shiraz.
Corkmaster: Ah, and Frasier, what did you think?
Frasier: Well, contrary to my brother I thought it was dark, dusky and supple, but I also said Australian Shiraz.

Martin: That's a blessing. Now we can enjoy our breakfast.
Roz: I doubt it. I was only allowed to make a cheese-free, mushroom-free, fat-free frittata, thanks to the girl in
the plastic bubble.

Clare: Marty... we have no reason to be uncomfortable. We're two consenting adults.
Martin: What about your husband? He never consented.
Clare: Stan loved you Martin, and he loved me. If anything, he's up in heaven right now, watching us and smiling.
Martin: You don't think he was watching the whole time, do you?
Clare: Not if heaven gets ESPN.

Mel: I've brought you a nice bottle of Cheval Blanc to impress the wine club. Mrs. Briggs gave it to me as a thank-you after her last face lift.
Niles: '61? I don't believe it!
Mel: Yes, that's what they're saying about Mrs. Briggs.