Frasier: Roz, what exactly does "call screening" mean?
Roz: It means I get to put on the air the calls I want to hear.

Frasier: Well, I guess you'll be rushing off to your little convention now, and I suppose we'll just have to catch up on your next trip.
Lilith: Actually, I'm not doing anything for dinner tonight.
Frasier: Really? Well, then you'll want to keep your dial tuned to 780 for Gil Chesterton's "Restaurant Beat."

Roz: Why don't you ask her out to dinner, Dr. Crane? [Frasier glares at Roz]
Frasier: What a wonderful idea! And let me tell you why, Seattle. You see, even though our marriage was unsuccessful, Lilith and I are quite capable of conducting ourselves as adults, and even enjoying spending some time together, from time to time. So, Lilith, seven at my place?
[Frasier holds up a piece of paper to Roz, reading "You're Fired"]
[Roz responds with a cardboard folder bearing the words "I'm Union"]

Niles: Frasier, I must tell you, I'm here for support, but I will not speak to Lilith.
Frasier: Oh, Niles, this ongoing feud between you and Lilith is ridiculous. Let it go, it was years ago.
Martin: I can't even remember what the fight was about in the first place.
Niles: Well, let me refresh you. At our wedding, while Maris was reciting her vows — which she wrote herself — vows of love from the heart, I distinctly heard snickering. I glanced behind me and there was Lilith, her fingers pressed hard against her lips, her body shaking like a paint mixer.

Lilith: Frasier, I like what you've done with your apartment.
Frasier: Thank you.
Lilith: You have beautiful things.
Frasier: The settlement is final, Lilith.

Lilith: [to Eddie] Go away.
Frasier: Why does he listen to you, and not to me?
Lilith: By the tone of my voice, he senses I mean business.
Frasier: Oh, I see. You're saying your voice is more commanding than mine is?
Martin: Hell, I took a half a step before I realized she was talking to the dog.

Frasier: So, Lilith, how is Frederick?
Lilith: Well, as you know, I've enrolled him in that chess camp in the Berkshires. It's really quite stimulating. For eight hours a day, he sits in a large auditorium, with 300 other children, mastering the Alhausen-GrobOpening.
Martin: Well, he's in the mountains. Shouldn't he be out there in the fresh air?
Lilith: Every day after lunch they go for a nature walk. Unfortunately, Frederick is allergic to seven different varieties of ivy, so he has to wear long sleeves, and long pants, and a bonnet with a net on it.
Frasier: Boy, I sure hope the other campers don't make fun of him.
Martin: Oh, I'm sure they don't. You know how kind kids can be. Hell, all he needs is a birthmark on his forehead, and they'd beat him to death with a shovel.

Martin: So, I chased this guy down a dark alley, and when he got to the end he turned and pulled a knife on me. So I gave him a couple of good shots with my nightstick.
Lilith: Fascinating. I have to ask, were you at all aware of any repressed sexual urges while you were pummeling him so mercilessly?
Martin: Yeah, but I didn't put 'em in the report.
Lilith: You're having some fun at my expense, aren't you?
Martin: Not much.

Daphne: It was a pleasure meeting you. By the way, how many days will you be staying in Seattle?
Lilith: Just through the weekend.
Daphne: Well, enjoy your stay. I'll be dead by Saturday night, I know it!

Lilith: Well, don't I feel like the perfect fool?
Frasier: Listen, Lilith-
Lilith: Here I am, humiliated, emotionally drained, and I've used up all my frequent flier miles.
Frasier: Lilith, please!
Lilith: No, Frasier, please, there's nothing else to say. I'd like to leave with at least a shred of dignity.
[As Lilith closes out the front door, her bag is caught behind her. She tries in vain to pull it through before she rings the doorbell. Frasier opens the door]
Lilith: Thank you.