Niles: Now, remember, when you arrive, a car will be waiting to take you to the Nani Emaka Hehila Ai House.
Gertrude: I don't know why we can't go somewhere where they speak English.
Daphne: They do speak English in Hawaii, Mum.
Martin: How come you can fly to Hawaii, but you can't fly to England?
Gertrude: How come you can drive your car, but you can't do your own laundry?
Martin: Have a good trip.

Niles: Did you make a wish, sweetheart?
Gertrude: Of course she did. She wished her father still loved his children enough to call his only daughter on her birthday. Or his wife. Oh, but that's a man for you. Once he's planted his seed and you've borne his spawn, he moves on to spread his filth elsewhere.
Frasier: Sounds like a toast to me.

Roz: Yes, Roger loved black lace. But he didn't get to see me in it... Black lace, I mean. I bought this one for you. New.
Daphne: Thank you, Roz.
Gertrude: Some man break your heart, did he?
Roz: Oh, yeah, but I'll be OK.
Gertrude: Sure you will. Until you realize he was the love of your life and he's gone for good. Then not a night will pass when you don't beg the good Lord to take you in your sleep.
Niles: We all have those thoughts.

Daphne: I know she's difficult, but we need to be sensitive with Mum right now.
Niles: "Difficult?" I yearn for the days of difficult. Difficult was a picnic. I keep a picture of difficult in a heart-shaped frame next to my bed. Difficult was a...
Daphne: All right, Niles, I know.

Roz: You know, ever since this whole Roger thing happened, you've really come through for me. It means a lot. Why can't more men be like you? I mean, you are exactly what women are looking for.
Frasier: Yeah. Women I date don't seem to know that.
Roz: Some women don't know what's good for them.
Frasier: Terrific. I'm the broccoli of dating.

Martin: Morning, Fras.
Frasier: Morning, Dad.
Martin: You see the paper yet?
Frasier: Uh, no I haven't.
Martin: Big story about how Roz's purse spent the night on the coffee table.

Frasier: I mean, do you realize what this means? I have probably destroyed our friendship. Do you know what she'll see every time she looks at me?
Martin: Your naked body.
Frasier: Oh, dear God! I was going to say "someone who's betrayed her trust," but oh, dear God!

Martin: Are you really going to let that old bat manipulate you out of a trip to Hawaii?
Niles: Dad, I have a plan.
Martin: Niles, you're a sucker. You know Mrs. Moon's so-called knee injury? Well, last night I noticed her limping on the wrong leg.
Niles: I know. She switches.

Frasier: So this one's getting tired. She wants to turn around and head back up the beach, when finally she sees the blanket surrounded by candles, and the food and the wine that I had set up.
Roz: And don't forget the diamond bracelet you gave me.
Craig: I had no idea there was that kind of money in the garbage business.

Niles: Excuse me. Do you know a man named Harry Moon? And no, that is not the start of a limerick.