Niles: Of course, I can't take care of him.
Frasier: Oh, yes, of course. Of course. Why?
Niles: Because Dad doesn't get along with Maris.
Frasier: Who does?
Niles: I thought you liked my Maris.
Frasier: I do. I like her from a distance. You know, the way you like the sun. Maris is like the sun, except without the warmth.

Delivery Man: Where do you want it?
Martin: Where's the TV?
Niles: It's in that credenza.
Martin: Point it at that.
Delivery Man: What about this chair?
Niles: The chair? Here, let me get it out of your way.
Frasier: Niles. Niles, be careful with that! That's a Wassily! Oh. Dad, as dear as I'm sure this piece is to you, I just don't think it goes with anything here.
Martin: I know. It's eclectic.

Roz: Ever heard of Lupe Velez?
Frasier: Who?
Roz: Lupe Velez. The movie star in the '30s. Well, her career hit the skids so she decided she'd make one final stab at immortality. She figured if she couldn't be remembered for her movies, she'd be remembered for the way she died. And all Lupe wanted was to be remembered. So, she plans this lavish suicide. Flowers, candles, silk sheet, white satin gown, full hair and make-up, the works. She takes the overdose of pills, lays on the bed and imagines how beautiful she's going to look on tomorrow's front page. Unfortunately, the pills don't set well with the enchilada combo plate she sadly chose as her last meal. She stumbles to the bathroom, trips and goes head-first into the toilet. And that's how they found her.
Frasier: Is there a reason you're telling me this story?
Roz: Yes. Even though things may not happen like we planned, they can work out anyway.
Frasier: Remind me again how it worked for Lupe, last seen with her head in the toilet.
Roz: All she wanted was to be remembered. Will you ever forget that story?

Daphne: I've only been in the U.S. for a few months, but I have quite an extensive background in home care and physical therapy, as you can see from my résumé. I- You were a policeman, weren't you?
Martin: Yeah. How'd you know?
Daphne: I must confess I'm a bit psychic. It's nothing big. Just little things I sense about people. I mean, it's not like I could pick the lottery. If I could, I wouldn't be talking to the likes of you two now, would I?

Roz: Dr. Crane, we have Claire on line four. She's having a problem getting over a relationship.
Frasier: Hello, Claire. I'm listening.
Claire: "I'm, er [sobs] Well, I'm a mess! Eight months ago my boyfriend and I broke up. And I just can't get over it. The pain isn't going away. It's almost like I'm in mourning or something."
Frasier: Claire, you are in mourning. But you're not mourning the loss of your boyfriend. You're mourning the loss of what you thought your life was going to be. Let it go. Things don't always work out how you plan. That's not necessarily bad. Things have a way of working out anyway. Have you ever heard of Lupe Velez?

Frasier: Now, this is the last one. Can you please try to keep an open mind?
[Frasier opens the front door to find Daphne with her hand down her chest]
Daphne: Oh, hello. Caught with me hand in the biscuit tin. I'm Daphne. Daphne Moon.

Niles: So I said to the gardener, "Yoshi, I do not want a Zen garden in my back yard. If I want to rake gravel every ten minutes to maintain my inner harmony, I'll move to Yokohama." Well, this offends him, so he starts pulling up Maris' prized camellias by the handful. Well, I couldn't stand for that, so I marched right into the morning room and locked the door until he cooled down.

Frasier: Have a seat, Miss Moon.
Daphne: Daphne. Thank you. Oh, will you look at that? What a comfy chair. It's like I always say, "Start with a good piece, and replace the rest when you can afford it."

Frasier: Daphne, I think it would be best if you leave.
Daphne: Oh, well. All right then.
Frasier: Don't be alarmed. We'll contact you. If not by telephone, then through the toaster.

Frasier: Dad, I'm not having another person living in this house.
Martin: Give me one good reason why not?
Frasier: Well, for one thing, there's no room for her!
Martin: What about that room right across the hall from mine?
Frasier: My study? You expect me to give up my study? The place where I read, where I do my most profound thinking.
Martin: Ah, use the can like the rest of the world.