Mel: You were with Maris last night?
Niles: Well.
Mel: How dare you?
Niles: Anything else in the box, Pandora?

Niles: Unfortunately, I have to see Maris tonight.
Martin: Maris? What the hell do you have to see her for?
Niles: Sadly, to pay my condolences. It seems our old gardener has passed away unexpectedly.
Frasier: Oh, not Yoshi. Gosh, that's too bad.
Niles: He had a heart attack when he was out trimming Maris's elaborate hedge maze. The paramedics never had a chance.

Mel: Hello.
Frasier: Well, gosh, I never expected to see you here.
Mel: Oh, well, I was one of the doctors on "Health Chat" during cosmetic surgery week. I did a segment on breast augmentation.
Frasier: Oh, how uplifting. [Frasier laughs, Mel doesn't]

Daphne: But what if he says something to me?
Roz: Just let him down gently.
Daphne: Oh, it never works out that easily. You know how it is when you say no to a guy.
Roz: Yeah... sure.

Martin: Well, I feel bad about Yoshi, but are you sure it's a good idea spending the evening with Maris?
Niles: Well, she's terribly upset. Maris and Yoshi were very close. In fact, I remember he once made a topiary likeness of her and wept without shame when it developed root rot.

Donny: Okay, Marty, how did you get these people down here?
Martin: Oh, I just called an old buddy in the fire department and told him that that many people in one place had to be a code violation.
Donny: Oh, that is smart. But aren't there going to be the same number of people down here?
Frasier: All right, everyone. We'll start by singing some carols and then we'll choose our teams for "The Minister's Cat."
Martin: [to Donny] I don't think that's going to be a problem.

Frasier: Oh, good Lord, Dad, you've been tinkering with that thing for hours. Don't you think that maybe "Dancing Santa" could sit this Christmas out?
Martin: Oh, I've got to get it ready for your big party tomorrow night.
Frasier: Oh, no need, Dad. There will be plenty of things to delight my guests. We'll be caroling and playing games. Oh, and I'll be reading "A Child's Christmas in Wales" to bring the evening to a close.
Martin: Oh, that should do it.

Frasier: I'm really going to be needing this bowl tomorrow evening. There's going to be a crowd of guests. I've invited the entire building, including Cam Winston.
Martin: Oh.
Frasier: In the spirit of Christmas I've decided to put an end to our feud.
Roz: What are you feuding about?
Martin: Oh, he parks his SUV right next to Frasier's Beemer.
Frasier: Yes, well, that car is grotesquely over-sized. I've often been forced to exit from the passenger's side. Many a time, I've been brought to grief on my gear shift.

Roz: What is it?
Daphne: The other day I found out something about Dr. Crane I wasn't supposed to know.
Roz: Frasier?
Daphne: No, his brother. Apparently, he's had a crush on me for years.
Roz: [sighing] Thank God!
Daphne: What do you mean, "Thank God?"
Roz: I've been afraid for months I'd be the one to blow the secret.
Daphne: You mean you knew?
Roz: Well, everybody kinda did.

Roz: Well, if Niles wasn't ready to say anything, it wasn't our place to do it. Well, who spilt the beans? It was Frasier, wasn't it?
Daphne: Yeah, but he doesn't know he told me.
Roz: He doesn't?
Daphne: No, he was on those painkillers for his back and, well, I can't very well discuss it with Dr. Crane. He's so close to Dr. Crane. If I told him he might tell Dr. Crane and then Dr. Crane might feel embarrassed.
Roz: Yeah. Why confuse things?