Niles: Well, when I brought you a beer in your room the other day I couldn't help but notice you had pictures of Frasier and Frederick and an autographed one from someone named Ken Griffey Jr. But none of Maris and me. So I brought you this.
Martin: Oh, gee, thanks. What's Maris doing wearing jodhpurs? She hasn't taken up horseback riding, has she?
Niles: No, no. She wanted to, but unfortunately her little quadriceps are so tight she's incapable of straddling anything larger than a border collie.

Niles: Wait a minute. We're not talking about Miss Warner?
Martin: Don't tell me this was going on during your lessons too?
Niles: No, you'll be relieved to know that while Frasier was getting his Rachmaninoffs I was actually studying music.

Clarice: You're here because of that book, aren't you?
Frasier: Yes and I'd like to apologize right off. Er, I told that story to Mr. Fallow in confidence. It was never meant to be in print.
Clarice: There's no need to apologize. That was a lovely time in my life. It was nice to relive it. So, are you married?
Frasier: Divorced. You?
Clarice: I never married.
Frasier: I came here to apologize about more than just the book. I never felt quite right about the way I left things. I abandoned you. It was selfish and cowardly.
Clarice: Oh, Frasier, relax. I always felt guilty for short-changing you on your music lessons. Do you still keep it up?
Frasier: ... Oh, the piano? Yes!

Frasier: It's such a relief to get that off my chest.
Clarice: [o.s.] Mother. Mother, I'm going now.
Ms. Warner: You run along, Clarice.
Frasier: Clarice?
Clarice: [entering] Oh, excuse me.
Ms. Warner: Dear, this is Frasier Crane. Apparently we were quite an item once. [holds Frasier's hand]
Clarice: Frasier Crane. Well, what are you doing here?
Frasier: Obviously making an enormous mistake.

Bulldog: "I wept as our bodies made the music of love."
Gil: "I'm your rhapsody, play me!"
Bulldog: "Crescendo, my young maestro, crescendo!"
Gil: My vessel yearns to dock in the magnificence of your harbor.
Bulldog: [laughs, then:] Hey, that's not in the book!

Thomas: Well, Amber, it was given to me... by God.
[out in the corridor:]
Frasier: By God?! Do you believe this guy's grandiosity? I'm God and he knows it!

Martin: I guess you're feeling pretty good, eh?
Frasier: Well, actually dad the entire incident has left me strangely unsatisfied. I don't know, I still feel sort of empty. It's been turning it around in my mind all day.
Martin: You kill me, you know. You get exactly what you wanted and you're still not happy. Frasier, life is not hard, you make it hard. You don't just let things happen and enjoy it. You've got to analyze everything to death. You know, you could learn a big lesson from this dog here.
[Eddie begins rolling on the floor]
Martin: You know what makes him happy? A sock! Come on, Eddie.

Niles: Maris is reading "Slow Tango In South Seattle." I think it's put thoughts in her head. This morning I found her cooing over the college student who skims the koi pond.
Martin: I wouldn't concern myself.
Niles: So you think it's just innocent flirting?
Martin: No, I just wouldn't concern myself.

Frasier: Why is that every woman I see is carrying that book around?
Roz: Because it's impossible to put down. Just read the first paragraph. I guarantee you'll be hooked.
Frasier: "There are tangos that come flowing from the wine-colored seas, from the rust of a hundred sunken ships. This is one of those dances."
Roz: Well?
Frasier: There are books that make your stomach rumble and lurch and thrust your lunch ever upwards. This is one of those books!

Roz: The future Mr. Roz Doyle: Thomas Jay Fallow.
Frasier: Oh my God, it's him!
Roz: What? Do you know him?
Frasier: Yes. Yes, he used to drop into a neighborhood bar I frequented back in Boston. He's a bit pretentious,
though; he stuck out like a sore thumb.