Frasier: Will you be favoring us with any English delicacies tonight?
Daphne: Well as a matter of fact, yes. The butcher had in some lovely carved stomachs, so I'm going to try my hand at haggis.
Frasier: Even Hannibal Lecter couldn't keep that woman's cooking down.

Frasier: My God, I haven't seen him this excited since he got that four-in-one remote control.

[Unveils the painting he bought at the restaurant]
Martin: It's a Cordoba.
Niles: Ole!

Martin: Yeah, you guys were raving about these paintings last night so I went down to the restaurant this morning to find out where they got theirs and lucky me, the ones they had were for sale.
Frasier: Dad, this is awfully, awfully...
Martin: Expensive! Yeah, yeah but it's worth it. You don't know how good this makes me feel. After I'm gone, this will still be here.

Roz: Good show.
Frasier: Thanks, Roz. Say, Roz, if you're not busy after work would you like, maybe, to get a drink or something? Maybe see a movie? You pick, I'll pay.
Roz: You can stay out as late as you want but eventually you're going to have to go home and that painting will still be there.

Frasier: People have different tastes, you know?
Martin: Yeah, well that's one way of looking at it. Some people like pastrami, like me. Other people don't. They're nuts.

Niles: Thanks to Maris I'm down to three confirmed guests.
Frasier: Three? Yesterday it was twelve, wasn't it?
Niles: She's circulating a vicious rumor that I'm going to have a karaoke machine.

Niles: Frasier, I no longer require your punch bowl, but may I borrow your blow dryer?
Frasier: Of course. Why?
Niles: Sven just finished Maris's ice sculpture and she's convinced she looks a bit "hippy."

Martin: You're telling me you don't like the painting?
Frasier: Well, it's not that I don't like it. It's just that I don't love it. It's not me.
Martin: Not a problem. If you don't like it, I'll take it back.
Frasier: Oh thank you, thank you, Dad. That's such a relief. You know, I was up half the night worrying about it and I just... Dad, are you all right? I didn't upset you, did I? My God, Dad, are you crying?
Martin: No, no.
Frasier: Yes, you are. Yes, you are. I just saw you wipe your eye.
Martin: No, I didn't. Just quit looking at me.
Frasier: Dad! I've made my father cry!
Martin: Now don't you start.
Frasier: I'm only crying because you're crying.
Martin: I'm not crying. I don't know what this is. I didn't even cry when I got shot!
Frasier: I didn't cry when you got shot either.

Frasier: Don't you think we ought to talk about what happened this afternoon?
Martin: Nothing happened this afternoon.
Frasier: Look, Dad. I know you're disappointed about the painting.
Martin: That's not a problem.
Frasier: Well, you said yourself that it wasn't as easy for you to give me things as it was when I was a kid.
Martin: Yeah, well I wasn't very good at it then either. Your Mother always picked all your stuff out.
Frasier: Still, you did put a roof over my head. Sent me to school.
Martin: All right. You want to talk about this? We'll talk about it. Do people ever come up to you after they've met me and say, "How can that guy be your father? He's nothing like you."
Frasier: Well...
Martin: 'Cause they've been saying that to me about you for the last forty years! I just thought that- I don't know. I'd finally given you something. Something you liked. Something we both liked. That we had something in common or something. It's no big deal. I'm tired. I'm going to bed.