Niles: This has been kind of fun, but I really have to go. I'm conducting a seminar on multiple personality disorders and it takes me forever to fill out the name tags.

Frasier: Bad news?
Miller: Oh, you could say that. I've just been fired. They decided the best way to cut the budget was to get rid of my high salary.
Frasier: Oh, Ned, - I'm so sorry. Then I guess this means that my job is still safe, then?
Miller: Yeah. I guess so.
Frasier: Well, you know, Ned, I haven't been in the radio game that long. But, uh, I've been around long enough to know that people get fired. And when they do, they always seem to land on their feet. Now, I've known quite a few people and counseled them that have suffered similar setbacks. But, uh, in time you will embrace this. Learn to think of this as, oh, a new chapter. You know, in theatrical circles, they always say "Every exit is but an entrance to somewhere else."
Miller: ... God, I wish I'd fired you when I had the chance!

Roz: Dr. Crane, we have Don on his car phone. He's having a problem with his weight.
Frasier: Don, it's a common problem. I'm listening.
Don: "Ah, it's the screwiest thing, Doc. I eat healthy, I work out, but no matter what I do, I can't lose a pound. It's very depressing."
Frasier: Yes, well, losing weight can be a life-long struggle. It takes a commitment. Now, if you're ready to accept that, there are a number of things I could suggest.
Fast Food Server: "May I take your order, please?"
Frasier: Don, what was that?
Don: "Huh? Oh, nothing. It was the radio. Go ahead, you were talking."
Frasier: Don, where are you?
Don: "I'm just driving around."
Fast Food Server: "Please speak into the clown's mouth."
Frasier: Don.
Don: "Sorry, Dr. Crane. I'm going to lose you. I'm going into a tunnel! Goodbye!"
Frasier: Yes, and the light at the end of that tunnel is a heat lamp over a large order of fries.

Frasier: My God, my God, this is unbelievable. A man has quit his job just because of a rumor that you spread!
Roz: Me?! The whole point of gossip is to talk behind the person's back, not in front of him. I didn't realize you were unclear on this concept!

Niles: Oh, excuse me. [answers phone] Hello? Maris. Maris? What's wrong? Oh, pumpkin. It's all right. No, no, everything's going to be- Oh, dear. [puts phone away] Sorry, I have to go. Maris is despondent. They kicked her out of the cast of "Cats."
Daphne: Why?
Niles: She couldn't remember the words to "Memory."

Niles: So, I just had to get out of the house. Maris's Junior League is rehearsing their spring musical. This year they're doing "Cats". For the past week and a half, I've been watching two dozen underweight tightly-pulled women in leotards crawling around the music room meowing. I'm telling you, Frasier, my allergies are acting up.
Frasier: Oh, Niles, I think you're exaggerating.
Niles: No. No, really. You have no idea how vivid the experience is. As God is my judge, I swear Mrs Presley-Bismuth was scent-marking the divan.

Frasier: God, you'd think women of that age would choose more suitable material. Remember the last show they did, "The Sound Of Music"? My God, half the Von Trapp children were having hot flashes.

Frasier: Oh people, people. You're jumping to conclusions. Show a little respect. Bulldog has devoted fifteen years of his life to radio. My own personal feelings aside, the man deserves better than to become the object of some scurrilous rumor that as yet hasn't a shred of truth to it.
Roz: Yeah. I suppose you're right.
Frasier: Yes, well, just in case, I've got dibs on his parking space.

Martin: Oh, Frasier. I'm glad you're home. What happened to Bulldog?
Frasier: Who told you?
Martin: Nobody told me anything. I turned into the "Gonzo Sports Show" today like I always do, and they had Father Mike filling in. I hate that. All it was, was "Notre Dame, Notre Dame, Notre Dame."

Daphne: No, I'm on to something here. You actually think you're responsible for Bulldog losing his job.
Martin: Frasier?
Frasier: All right, all right. Ah, there was a rumor going round the station that Bulldog was going to get sacked, and then I was repeating it to someone and he overheard me and flew off the handle, went up and quit his job. In the end it turned out that the rumor wasn't true. [to Daphne] Of course, you already knew that, didn't you?