Frasier: Well, I'm off.
Daphne: No, you can't. Our doula is coming specifically to meet you and your father.
Niles: She insists on knowing all the members of the baby's energy circle.
Martin: Oh, what kind of a kook is she anyway?
Niles: Harvest is not a kook. [starts rubbing his nipples] She's assisted at the birth of more than 600 babies. And two giant pandas.

Frasier: Well, she better get here quickly. I do have a date.
Niles: Another one?
Frasier: Yeah.
Niles: You're doing fairly well by this matchmaker.
Frasier: Oh, hardly. A monkey throwing darts at the Seattle phone book would find me a better mate. Hell, a dart-throwing monkey would be a better mate.

Frasier: Niles, have you gained weight?
Niles: Yes, but you know, you always put on a lot with your first baby. The hardest part is the mood swings.

Harvest: So are you planning to participate in your grandchild's birth?
Martin: Oh, no. I'm kind of old school. Clean the kid up, slap a bow on her head, then call me in.

Harvest: Oh, guess who had their baby. Brad and Cindy.
Niles: [wailing] Oh, I'm so happy for them!
Daphne: He gets very emotional lately.
Harvest: It was a beautiful experience. I made a tape if you'd like to see it.
Martin: I would like to not see it.

Daphne: She seems like she's in a little pain.
Harvest: Oh, pain is just fear leaving the body.
Martin: That's a boatload of fear.

Charlotte: This is a process. I have only sent you out on five dates. Do you cure your patients in five sessions?
Frasier: Well, no, but...
Charlotte: This client roster is filled with fascinating women. I just signed a new one this morning: botany professor, avid bicycle rider, very striking. But you know what? If you're going to be so impatient, then we should just end this now, I'll write you a check.
Frasier: Well, wait...
Charlotte: No, no, no. I'm sure you'll do much better on your own. With $10,000 you can download a lot of love.

Frasier: I think the police might be interested in this little scam of yours.
Charlotte: It is not a scam. I... I just didn't have time to put the other pictures in, and I will not work one second with someone who threatens me. I'll mail you a check.
Frasier: I'll save you the price of a stamp. I'll see you at your office tomorrow.
Charlotte: Fine. I'd say come alone, but that's a given.

[As Charlotte walks out of the restaurant, her heel breaks and she falls to the floor]
Charlotte: [breaking down] Oh God! What a crappy, crappy day!
Frasier: Charlotte, are you okay?
Charlotte: I can't give you a check. I've already... I've already spent the money on rent, and food, and... and these shoes. These stupid, stupid shoes!

Charlotte: So then I spent five soul-sucking years in advertising dreaming up slogans for Crunchios.
Frasier: "Crunchios are a munchy with your lunchy or your brunchy." That was you?
Charlotte: Yeah. I felt better about myself when I was pushing cigarettes. Then one day, I fixed up my boss with my friend, and they ended up getting married.
Frasier: And thus a career was born.
Charlotte: What better way to make a living than by helping people be happy?