Daphne: I'm meeting some of my girlfriends for darts and a couple of pints. Oh, it's best to do it in that order. Just ask Blind Willie, the bartender.

Martin: Hey, Frasier. Check out these dress pants. They got elastic panels in the waist. You could eat all you want, and never worry about cutting off your circulation.
Frasier: Milan must be beside itself. What an innovative use of synthetic fibers. I believe if you recycle these, you can turn them into milk containers.

Niles: Some of Maris's friends introduced me to the most delightful party game last night. I can't wait to share it with you.
Frasier: Well, Niles, I'd really like to talk-
Niles: No, no. Shh. This first, it's a hoot. If you were stranded on a desert island with one meal, one aria, and one bottle of wine, what would they be?
Frasier: Niles, I really don't-
Niles: Frasier, please.
Frasier: Okay. A Big Mac, "I'm your Venus," and Ripple.

Martin: Your arm's not quite long enough for that, is it? Let me ask you a few questions. Can you get through the night without getting up to go to the john? Can you get in and out of a chair without going "Mmmm?" Can you eat a slice of pizza less than twelve hours before you go to bed?
Frasier: ... What's on the pizza?
Martin: Ah, I thought so. All right, well now we've established you're middle-aged, take some advice: don't fight it, it'll go a lot easier.
Frasier: Good lord, Dad, what are you suggesting? I'm gonna rush off to a plastic surgeon to get an eye lift and a chin tuck? [examines his face in a silver plate] Oh, dear God!

Martin: Say, didn't this used to be Pinski's department store?
Frasier: I have no idea.
Martin: Sure it was. We used to bring you kids here all the time. Man, it was a great store. You could buy lingerie, a bag of popcorn and transmission fluid, all under the same roof.
Frasier: Finally, something I'm glad I forgot.

Martin: Are you gonna get them or not?
Frasier: You brought these over for me?
Martin: Hey, the sands of time are shifting, buddy - mostly south!

Carrie: Excuse me, Dr. Crane?
Frasier: Hi, Carrie.
Carrie: Hi. I have your pants.
Bulldog: Whoa, doc! [honks horn] Where'd you leave them?
Frasier: They're new, Bulldog.

Frasier: Oh, by the way, Niles, if you were stranded on a desert island, what would you choose as your favorite meal, aria and wine?
Niles: The coulibiliac of salmon at Guy Savoy, "Vissi d'Arte" from Tosca, and the Cotes du Rhone Chateauneuf du Pape '47.
Frasier: You are so predictable.

Frasier: That's it. I'm outta here!
Roz: Hey, wait, wait, wait. Aren't you forgetting something?
Frasier: No, I am not forgetting anything, thank you, Roz.
Roz: [to herself] Okay. Well, can't blame a girl for trying. Five, four, three...
[Frasier rushes back to his console]
Roz: Two...
Frasier: We're back.

Martin: He won't stop until you scratch him behind the ear.
Niles: Oh, all right Eddie, all right. [He wraps a finger in his handkerchief and scratches Eddie's ear] You know, I'm beginning to this I have an affinity towards animals.