Frasier: Reach your hand in there and see what you can find.
Niles: I'm not going to put my hand down there. There could be rats.
Frasier: Maybe they're just down-on-their-luck show rats.
Niles: I know, what was that?
Frasier: Don't ask me. You're marrying her.

Frasier: So in they stroll. He with murderous intent. She with nary an inkling of the tragedy about to befall her. He pretends to inspect the house. "Darling, why what's this mark over here on the wall?"
Niles: "Where?"
Frasier: "There, look. Closer, closer..." And as she leans in, he does her in!
Niles: "No, Alfred, no!" [regular voice] Oh, that makes perfect sense.

Roz: Martin, can Alice watch TV with you for a second?
Martin: Oh, sure she can.
Martin: What kind of TV do you like?
Alice: Cartoons.
Martin: Oh, really? Your mom lets you watch that stuff? The anvils and dynamite, and people falling over cliffs and things? [Alice nods] Great, then you should be all over this hockey game.

Roz: Well, I don't mind the hamster dying. I just don't know how to break it to Alice. She's never had anything die before.
Daphne: Well, how did you parents explain it to you?
Roz: [sighs] The wrong way. When I was six, my canary died. And that evening, my dad sat on the bed next to me and said, "Dying is just going to sleep and never waking up." Then he turned off the light and said good night.

Alice: Where's Mommy?
Martin: Oh hi, hon. Uh, your mom'll be right back.
Alice: Can we watch hockey?
Martin: Uh, no, the game's over, sweetheart. Canadiens won, by the way, so you owe me ten bucks.

Alice: I miss my hamster.
Martin: I know you do, sweetheart. And I'm sure he's up in Hamster Heaven missing you too.
Alice: What is Hamster Heaven?
Martin: Well, that's where hamsters go when they die.
Alice: Mommy said he was lost.
Martin: Oh. Oh. Oh, no.
Alice: When will he come back?
Martin: Oh, boy. Well, when a hamster goes to hamster heaven, it can't come back. But that's okay.
Alice: Why?
Martin: Oh, 'cause it's great up there. They got exercise wheels on every corner, and the streets are paved with- What do hamsters eat?
Alice: Hamster food.
Martin: Ah, well, that's what the streets are paved with. And there aren't any cats to chase them.
Alice: Does cats have a heaven too?
Martin: Oh, sure. Yeah, same deal. Except no wheels and their streets are paved with fish.

Alice: [looks at Eddie] What about dogs?
Martin: Yeah, dogs too. Just about all animals have a heaven.
Alice: Is Eddie going?
Martin: Oh, no. Not-not Eddie. Not for a long time anyway. I mean, he's really still just a puppy.
Alice: How old is he?
Martin: Uh, he's about ten.
Alice: That's not a puppy!
Martin: Well... uh, hey, why don't we see if there are any cartoons on TV?

Mr. Lasskopf: Oh, my God. My house. What have you done to my house?
Cop: Is this the man you told me about?
Frasier: Yes, it is, Officer.
Mr. Lasskopf: Well, what the hell's going on?
Niles: We dug up your wife. That's what's going on!
Mr. Lasskopf: You dug up my wife?!
Frasier: I'll bet you thought nobody ever would, didn't you?
Mr. Lasskopf: No!
Niles: Well, you didn't count on the Crane boys.

Daphne: So, what's up?
Roz: Do you remember Alice's hamster I told you about?
Daphne: Yeah, still keeping you awake?
Roz: Not anymore. The dog ate it. Well, half of it.
Daphne: Oh, no. Something like that happened when I was a girl. One of our cats got into one of my rat cages and took little old Pink Bottom right out of show business.

Frasier: One thing is certain. Someone is very dead.
Niles: Well, Poirot, you've done it again.