Frasier: All right. I need a full rundown of the situation.
Daphne: Well, I think I told you about the hens, which I burned.
Frasier: Ooh.
Daphne: I'm hoping we have enough ice, and... I probably shouldn't have dressed the salad this afternoon.
Frasier: Oh, lord.
Daphne: I'm pretty sure the soup is okay.
Frasier: [sniffing the soup] White wine. [Frasier takes a big swig]

Frasier: I will need a ramekin for each of your guests.
Daphne: Here we are.
Frasier: Oh, dear. This is bad.
Daphne: What?
Frasier: Well, there are two that are mis-matched. It's all right if they're all mis-matched or if in pairs, but two is just unheard of.

Antonia: Is it true that you still collect Edwardian utility bills?
Niles: Oh, yes. They're fascinating. For example, did you know that Sir Arthur Conan Doyle was a notorious water hog? But, you don't have to take my word for it.

Gertrude: I'm having trouble ordering the boxing match. I don't understand, this never happens with the nudie programming.

Gertrude: Hello, I'm Daphne's mum.
Bill: I'm Bill-
Gertrude: Don't bother, I'm just lettin' you in.

Niles: So it actually took George Bernard Shaw longer to rectify his billing error than it did for him to write "Man and Superman".

Daphne: You've got two choices. You can either walk away from the painting, or you can limp away from the painting.

Martin: Here you go.
Frasier: Oh, Dad, finally.
Martin: Well, if you had said "nut bowls" I woulda gotten them right off.
Frasier: Yes, yes, all right, now listen. I need you to run to the grocery store for me and pick up some sel de mar, some olive topinade, balsamic vinegar, and some English Stilton cheese. Have you got that?
Martin: You lost me after "Sally's mare".

Niles: Okay, but you know zero about art. Don't say a word or these people will see right through you.
Martin: Yeah, I'm sure a phony would really stand out at this party.

Niles: Okay, I have to get out there before Dad says something stupid. Let's get these hens browning so we can eat as soon as possible. Mmm. That's Frasier's signature sauce. Except it's so much better. I think you should send him the recipe.
[After Niles leaves the kitchen, Frasier emerges from the food cupboard]
Frasier: I'm holding him back. Your sauce is better than mine. Honestly, I don't even know why I try. I stand here, slaving over a hot stove and for what? Does anyone appreciate me? No!