Frasier: [on the phone] Dad. Right, listen. I need you to do me a favor. I want you to get me my ramekins, all right? And then bring them here, but come in the back way, so Niles doesn't see you. No, ramekins. Well, they're small, round, ceramic dishes. I keep them in the lower left-hand kitchen cabinet. No, no those are tapas dishes. Right, those are for soy sauce. Oh, honestly Dad, you know sometimes I don't think you listen to me. I said sometimes I don't think you- I said sometimes- I see what you're doing.

Jeremy: Where's your better half?
Niles: Oh, here she is now.
Jeremy: Oh, I meant Frasier.
Niles: My brother's not coming this evening.
Jeremy: But he's always, always, always at your parties. Frasier and yellowtail carpaccio. Has the world gone mad?
Niles: Not yet. We still have carpaccio.

Jeremy: What impresses me the most is the way you reinvent identity while recording anonymity.
Martin: Well, that took years to get down.
Thad: Come on, tell us. What do you think of Warhol?
Martin: Crap.
Thad: Kienholz?
Martin: Crap.
Antonia: It is so refreshing to have someone speak so candidly.
Martin: And you have to believe me because I'm a fancy-ass artist. [laughs]

Frasier: Mimsy, wait! Please, I can explain!
Mimsy: Oh, don't bother! And I bet you don't even have Tourette's Syndrome!
Frasier: Poop! Hell! Damn! Oh...

Niles: I hope you're happy.
Frasier: Me? You're the one who suggested that flaming kabobs might lend a festive air.
Niles: I didn't know Ben Corbett's toupee would go up like that.

Frasier: Why is it that we can't seem to pull off a simple dinner party?
Martin: Because you always go overboard.
Frasier: Yes, but this one was bare bones. Simplicity itself.
Daphne: [entering] One of your goats just threw up in the kitchen.

Frasier: Well then, I have come up with the perfect entertainment for our little art crowd. It's a radical tableau vivant troupe. [Niles stares blankly at Frasier] I don't know. But they do provide smocks and shower caps, so we're covered.

Niles: I think you'd be happy to be just a guest, for once.
Frasier: "Just a guest"! In my brother's home. You know, I've never been just a guest before. Before, I always felt like family.

Daphne: Where's the video? I thought you were going to rent "Castaway".
Gertrude: If I wanted to watch someone talk to a volleyball for two hours, I would have stayed in Manchester with your Aunt Evelyn.

Daphne: Well, what are you going to do all night?
Gertrude: Oh, you needn't worry about me. I'm going to watch a boxing match on pay-per-view. Ooh, there's nothing like two great, sweaty beasts beating each other senseless. I miss your father.