Martin: Oh, when did you forget how to have fun? You've turned into such a fuddy-duddy.
Frasier: Well forgive me if I prefer humor of a more elevated level. I tell you what, I might actually enjoy one of your japes one day if you could come up with something with a bit more wit and sophistication.

Frasier: [answering the phone] Hello? Yes, well I'm afraid my calendar is rather booked right now. All right, I suppose I could try to squeeze you in somewhere. Yes, and your last name, please? Rection. That's unusual. And your first name? That's not funny either, Dad.

Frasier: Oh, you're right, Dad, that's hilarious. Not such a fuddy-duddy now, am I? Oh, that's quite a comeback, Dad. A heart attack. Come on, get up. Dad? Dad, you can get up now. Dad!

Niles: How's Dad?
Frasier: Well, he's resting, he's stable. His color is good.
Niles: Thank God. Can I see him?
Frasier: Well, they're running some tests right now. The doctor should be out in a minute.
Niles: How did this happen?
Frasier: Well, there's... so many factors in a case like this, Niles. It's impossible to pinpoint any one cause in particular.

Niles: Why are you dressed like that?
Frasier: Well, uh... All right. You remember my patient with the clown phobia?
Niles: Oh, yes, of course. I'm sorry.
Frasier: Oh, Niles, I feel just terrible about this.
Niles: Frasier, you feel terrible? I was supposed to have dinner with him tonight and I cancelled on him. I would have been with him when it happened, but no, I had to try out those new bath emollients.

Roz: How's your dad?
Niles: Well, he's fine now, thanks to Frasier's grace under pressure.
Man: You know, they say the first few minutes are critical.
Roz: Did you give him an aspirin?
Frasier: Uh, yes, I did.
Roz: He's been taking care of his dad for ten years.
Woman: God bless him. What a good son.

Frasier: May I remind you all that this was an accident? It was meant as a harmless amusement. I will not stand here and be demonized for this. I am not a monster!
[Frasier's patient, Mimi, screams as he approaches her in his clown costume]

Martin: [to Eddie] Hey, there's my guy. Daddy's home from the little vacation your brother Frasier sent me on.

Martin: Frasier, I wish you'd stop coddling me. I know you're sorry and you didn't mean to give me a heart attack.
Frasier: Not a heart attack, Dad. A cardiac event. You know, maybe we can look on this as a sign that you should begin a healthier lifestyle. Perhaps one day we'll look back on this and you'll thank me for it.
Niles: Yes. Maybe then you can find a nice card for Frasier, like "Now that I'm old and looking back, I thank you for my heart attack."
Frasier: Cardiac event!

Niles: Hey, were you able to reach Ronee at her mom's?
Martin: Nope.
Niles: Well, here, you can try her now.
Martin: No, because I'm not telling her.
Frasier: What?
Martin: She doesn't need to know every little thing that goes on in my life.
Frasier: Dad, you had a heart attack!
Martin: Cardiac event.