Frasier: Dad, are you afraid she'll start seeing you differently?
Martin: Well, you see me differently. "Let me have that suitcase, Dad." "Just sit down and rest." I don't need her thinking of me as some feeble old guy.
Frasier: Do you really want to keep such an enormous secret from her?
Martin: Well, not forever. You and Niles can tell her after I'm dead.

Ronee: Nice flowers. [reads the card] "Get well soon"?
Martin: Oh, I got those for Frasier. He has a little... man problem. Flares up every once in a while.
Niles: [giggling] Frasier has a... man problem.
Frasier: Shut up, you nit!

Martin: Well, I'm not telling her. You heard what she said about her mother.
Niles: Dad, you're not going to be able to keep this from her.
Martin: Well, watch me.
Frasier: And how are you going to explain the fact that you can't eat ribs tonight? Or the new medication that you're on? Or the fact that you can't have sex for the next two weeks?
Martin: Who says?
Frasier: It's on the list!
Niles: What little picture is next to that one?

Frasier: [to Niles] Keep laughing and you're gonna have a man problem.

Niles: Does Ronee ever spend the night here?
Frasier: Yeah, on occasion.
Niles: Well, good. 'cause there's some underwear in here that I was really hoping didn't belong to Dad.

Martin: Well, I'm sorry it's not dramatic enough for you.
Ronee: Look, after all that build up, I just thought it would be something bigger, all right? Like you were gonna break up with me or pop the question or something. And F.Y.I., the next time you're in the hospital, I would appreciate a phone call if it's not too much trouble.
Martin: Fine! And F.Y.I., I'm not breaking up with you.
Ronee: Well, I know that now.

Martin: And if I was gonna do that other thing, it wouldn't be here.
Ronee: What other thing?
Martin: Pop the question.
Ronee: Oh.
Martin: It'd be someplace romantic, for God's sake. Uh... tablecloths!
Ronee: Nice.
Martin: Damn right it'd be nice. So?
Ronee: So, what?
Martin: So what would you have said?
Ronee: Well, how should I know? You didn't ask me.
Martin: Well, so say I am now.
Ronee: What?
Martin: Asking you.
Ronee: Well, are you or are aren't you?
Martin: I am.

Martin: Hey guys, guess what? I'm getting married!
Ronee: Well, come on boys. Give your ol' mom a kiss!