Frasier: Have you no conscience?
Bulldog: Well, maybe I don't.
Frasier: I refuse to believe that.
Bulldog: Well, maybe it was something I was born without. Like, oh, like my cousin. He was born without a big toe on each foot. I used to sneak up on him and tip him over. I didn't feel bad about that, either. See ya, doc.

Niles: First of all, congratulations on your SeaBea nomination.
Frasier: Thank you.
Niles: Now, congratulate me on mine.
Frasier: What are you talking about?
Niles: Well, if you'd bothered to look past your own name on the first page, you'd have found mine right after
it on page... [flips through pages] ...fifteen.

Frasier: "Best Performance By a Guest on an Information Show."
Niles: Yes, it's for that spot I did on KJSB when I discussed the psychological effects of long-term inclement weather.
Frasier: Ah, yes, yes, yes. Thirty minutes of psychobabble all reducible to one phrase: "Rain, rain, go away."

Niles: I'm hardly surprised you feel the need to belittle my nomination. In your mind, you're the success, the famous one. I'm just invisible. That's not the way the rest of the world sees me.
[As Frasier opens the door, Daphne and Martin rush to him]
Martin: [hugging Frasier] Oh, Frasier, boy, am I glad to see you.
Frasier: Oh, thanks, guys, thank you.
Daphne: Doctor Crane, thank goodness you're home.
Niles: I'm also here.

Bulldog: I take my pants off one leg at a time, just like everybody else. You can vouch for that, can't you, Myrna?

Frasier: I want to talk to you.
Bulldog: Ugh. This isn't a good time. I got company.
Frasier: You have done something horrible, and selfish. And I need to know that you feel bad about it.
Bulldog: What, you've been looking through the keyhole?

Bulldog: You been sleeping okay, Doc? You look a little tired.
Frasier: Oh, don't you worry about me, I'll sleep fine tonight. The sleep of the just.
Bulldog: Me, too. The sleep of the just boinked.

Frasier: We've saved the best for last. It's the woman that gave everything to you.
Bulldog: Well, you'll have to narrow that one down.

Martin: Let it go.
Frasier: I can't. The man is a coward and he's being rewarded.
Martin: Guess I'm never gonna hear the end of this, now, am I?
Frasier: No. I'm sorry, Dad, but I won't-
Martin: All right, just a minute. [whispering to Bulldog as he passes by:] Bulldog, there's a guy right there with a gun!
Bulldog: There's a gun! [Bulldog grabs his mother and pushes her towards the alleged assailant]
Martin: Sorry, my mistake.
Waitress: He used his own mother to protect himself.
Date: Ew.
Roz: Isn't that what you did to me?